When an abuser goes into therapy, several possible outcomes can unfold, depending on their intentions, willingness to change, and the quality of the therapy they receive. Here are some common scenarios:

1. Genuine Self-Reflection and Change (Rare but Possible)

If the abuser truly recognizes their harmful behavior, takes full responsibility, and commits to deep, consistent work, therapy can help them change. This process requires them to:

• Confront their own trauma, insecurities, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Accept accountability rather than blame others.
• Develop emotional regulation and healthier relationship patterns.

However, true change takes time—often years—because abusive behavior is deeply ingrained in their mindset and identity. And even if they do change, it doesn’t mean their victims are obligated to reconnect or forgive.

2. Using Therapy to Manipulate and Gain Sympathy

Many abusers weaponize therapy to maintain control over their victims and social circles. They might:

• Pretend to change while continuing their abusive tactics in subtler ways.
• Use therapy to gain sympathy, portraying themselves as the “real victim” (e.g., “My childhood trauma made me this way”).
• Lie to the therapist or twist sessions to make it seem like they are the ones being mistreated.
• Tell others they are ‘working on themselves’ to pressure their victim into forgiving them too soon.

3. Learning New Psychological Tactics to Control Others

Some abusers become more dangerous after therapy because they gain new language and insights into human behavior. They might:

• Learn to disguise their manipulation more effectively.
• Use psychological terms (like “gaslighting” or “boundaries”) to justify their behavior or accuse their victims of the same things.
• Convince others that they are “doing the work,” even when nothing has changed.

4. Quitting Therapy When It Becomes Too Uncomfortable

Real self-reflection is painful—and many abusers won’t tolerate it. If therapy challenges their ego or makes them feel exposed, they may:

• Quit therapy altogether, claiming it wasn’t helpful.
• Find a new therapist who tells them what they want to hear.
• Blame the therapist for misunderstanding them.

What This Means for You

If your former abuser has gone into therapy, don’t assume it means real change—at least not right away. Actions speak louder than words. Watch for consistent, long-term change (over years, not weeks or months), and even then, you are never obligated to re-engage with them.

If you suspect they are using therapy as a manipulation tool, trust your instincts. You’ve already done the hard work of recognizing their tactics and healing from them—stay in your peace, and don’t let them drag you back in.