Strangulation is one of the most serious and dangerous forms of domestic violence, and brushing it off as “but I didn’t kill you” is a terrifying minimization of an attempted murder. Strangulation is not just physical abuse—it is a major red flag that an abuser is willing to exert total control over a victim’s life and death.

Long-Term Impact on the Relationship

If strangulation is ignored, minimized, or dismissed in a relationship, several dangerous dynamics unfold:

1. Escalation of Violence
   • Strangulation is a known predictor of homicide in domestic violence cases. Studies show that victims who have been strangled by their partner are 750% more likely to be killed later by the same person.
   • The abuser has already crossed one of the most lethal lines, and without intervention, the violence typically escalates.
2. Total Control and Fear
   • Strangulation creates psychological terror. It is a clear message: “I can take your life whenever I choose.” This makes the victim feel completely powerless, often leading to compliance with the abuser’s demands.
   • Victims may develop PTSD, severe anxiety, and depression as a result. Even if there are no visible marks, the emotional and neurological effects are long-lasting.
3. Increased Isolation
   • After such an extreme assault, the victim often becomes more isolated due to fear or trauma bonding.
   • Friends or family might not understand the severity if the victim downplays it, which can lead to further disconnection from support systems.
4. Medical and Neurological Damage
   • Even if a person survives strangulation, it can cause long-term brain damage, strokes, and even delayed death days or weeks later. Oxygen deprivation, even for a few seconds, kills brain cells, potentially leading to memory loss, cognitive decline, and emotional instability.
5. Grooming for Future Abuse
   • If an abuser strangles their partner and then convinces them to stay, it solidifies the power dynamic. The victim may start rationalizing other forms of extreme abuse (“Well, at least they didn’t strangle me this time”).
   • This creates a cycle of escalating violence where the abuser pushes the limits further each time.

What Happens After Strangulation If It’s Brushed Off?

If a couple stays together and ignores the strangulation, the abuser has now crossed one of the most dangerous thresholds with no consequences. Some common patterns that follow include:

1. Minimization and Gaslighting
   • The abuser might say:
     • “It wasn’t that bad.”
     • “You’re overreacting.”
     • “I was just angry—I won’t do it again.”
   • The victim may start doubting their own reality and suppressing their emotions to keep the peace.
2. Repeated Strangulation
   • Studies show that if an abuser strangles a partner once, they will do it again—and next time, they may not stop.
3. Severe Psychological and Physical Health Consequences
   • Victims may develop chronic headaches, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughtsdue to the trauma and neurological damage.
   • They may feel constantly on edge, living in a state of hypervigilance to avoid triggering another attack.
4. A Path Toward Homicide
   • The reality is that many domestic violence homicides are preceded by non-fatal strangulation. If an abuser has already tested how far they can go, the risk of future murder or extreme violence skyrockets.

If Someone Says, “But I Didn’t Kill You”

That statement alone is a terrifying admission. It suggests:

• They knew exactly what they were doing.
• They considered killing you.
• They feel entitled to decide whether you live or die.
• They see your survival as their choice, not your right.

This is not an apology or remorse—it is a threat disguised as an excuse.

What Should Someone Do After Strangulation?

• Seek medical help immediately. Brain injuries or internal damage may not be obvious but can be fatal.
• Document the incident. Take photos, write down details, and save any messages related to the attack.
• Reach out for support. Talk to a domestic violence advocate, a trusted friend, or a therapist.
• Make a safety plan. Leaving a violent relationship can be dangerous, so it’s important to have a plan in place.
• Do not dismiss the incident. If an abuser has strangled you, the relationship is no longer safe.

Final Thoughts

Strangulation is not just “another form” of domestic violence—it is an act of extreme, near-fatal control. If an abuser minimizes it, it only confirms their dangerous mindset. There is no “working through it” or “moving past it” when someone has already shown you that they are willing to risk your life. The safest path forward is to get out and get help.