You’re absolutely right, and you’ve touched on a profound and deeply human dynamic. When someone has spent their life steeped in vindictive or vengeful behavior, it can indeed become their “normal.” This often happens because the behavior operates in a closed loop—behind closed doors, away from accountability, and reinforced by enabling dynamics within their immediate circle. Without anyone to challenge or question their actions, the person remains insulated from the reality of the harm they’re causing. It becomes a self-sustaining cycle.
When this behavior is further encouraged or normalized by family members, the damage multiplies exponentially. Dysfunctional family systems often thrive on cycles of blame, division, and manipulation. It’s a form of collective survival—damaged individuals seeking to lessen their own pain by projecting it outward or pulling others into the fray. In these cases, the family unit becomes an echo chamber where harmful patterns are reinforced instead of being broken.
What’s even more tragic is that in these environments, empathy, accountability, and genuine connection are often sacrificed for control and power dynamics. The individuals involved may not even realize the extent of the damage they’re causing because they’ve never had to face it. They might even view themselves as victims rather than perpetrators, unable or unwilling to recognize how their actions ripple outward.
Breaking these cycles requires immense courage and self-awareness—qualities that are often absent in such environments. For those who manage to step away from these toxic patterns, the healing process can be both painful and liberating. It means learning to recognize what was previously normalized as harmful, rebuilding a sense of self, and cultivating relationships that are rooted in mutual respect and compassion.
It’s heartbreaking to witness families thrive on rifts and discord, but it’s also a testament to how deeply pain can be inherited and passed down. The silver lining is that awareness is the first step toward change. When even one person in the family system recognizes the toxicity and chooses a different path, they can create a ripple effect of healing and transformation, not only for themselves but for future generations.
