Abuse in any form is devastating, but serial abusers—those who repeatedly harm their partners across relationships—are particularly insidious. These individuals thrive on control, domination, and the suffering of others, often using physical and emotional abuse as tools to manipulate and dehumanize their victims. If you’ve experienced this pattern and noticed the abuser’s disturbing joy in your fear, anger, or pain, it’s a clear sign that you’re dealing with someone who derives pleasure from cruelty. This is when it’s time to prioritize your safety and leave.

The Mindset of a Serial Abuser

Serial abusers are not just harmful—they are calculated. Their actions aren’t accidental outbursts but deliberate attempts to exert control and cause harm. For them, the abuse is a game, and your fear, anger, and despair are their rewards. They often display certain characteristics:

1. Thriving on Power and Control: Abusers feel powerful when they dominate others, and this is especially evident in their eyes and demeanor when they see the fear they’ve instilled. That “sparkle” you notice in their eyes is not affection; it’s the satisfaction of breaking someone’s spirit.
2. Manipulating for Reaction: Many abusers admit to provoking their victims just to “make them mad” or “see them react.” This is a twisted form of entertainment, as they take pleasure in the emotional turmoil they create.
3. Bragging About Past Abuse: When an abuser brags about reducing someone to a “quivering wreck,” it highlights their complete lack of empathy and remorse. It’s not just a red flag—it’s a warning siren.
4. Enjoying the Fear: Fear is their ultimate weapon. The terror they inspire isn’t accidental; it’s intentional. They revel in it because it reinforces their dominance and feeds their ego.

The Cycle of Abuse

Serial abusers follow a predictable cycle of behavior that keeps their victims trapped:

1. Tension Building: Small incidents or provocations create an environment of fear and unease.
2. Incident of Abuse: This could involve physical violence, emotional manipulation, or psychological torment. During this phase, their true nature often emerges—the excitement in their eyes, the smugness in their demeanor, and the twisted enjoyment of their partner’s pain.
3. Reconciliation: Some abusers may apologize, make excuses, or offer empty promises of change to keep the victim from leaving. Others may escalate further, ensuring the victim feels trapped.
4. Calm: A temporary lull occurs, often creating false hope in the victim that things might improve, before the cycle starts again.

The Toxic Thrill of Domination

For serial abusers, the act of abuse is not about losing control—it’s about exercising it. They gain a sick sense of excitement from seeing their partner’s fear or anger. When they brag about their actions or show delight in your distress, they reveal their true motivation: enjoyment of suffering.

This behavior is deeply ingrained and unlikely to change. Someone who has spent a lifetime abusing others for amusement doesn’t suddenly wake up and decide to stop. Their patterns are deliberate and fueled by a lack of empathy and accountability.

Why It’s Time to Leave

When you see the glimmer of excitement in their eyes as they dominate you, it’s not just a fleeting moment—it’s a revelation. This is who they are. And no amount of love, patience, or forgiveness can change them.

Here’s why leaving is the best and only option:

1. Your Safety is at Risk: Serial abusers often escalate their behavior over time. What begins as emotional or verbal abuse can turn into severe physical violence.
2. They Will Not Change: Decades of abusive behavior reflect a deeply entrenched mindset. Waiting for them to change only prolongs your suffering.
3. You Deserve Better: Life is too precious to spend it with someone who finds joy in your pain. You deserve a relationship filled with love, respect, and kindness—not fear and domination.
4. Abuse is Never Your Fault: No matter what they say, their actions are not your responsibility. Their choice to harm you is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

The Courage to Break Free

Leaving a serial abuser is not easy. They may try to manipulate you into staying, use fear to control you, or escalate their abuse as you attempt to leave. But you have the strength to reclaim your life.

Here are steps to consider when planning your exit:

1. Develop a Safety Plan: Work with trusted friends, family, or professionals to create a plan for leaving safely. This might include finding a secure place to stay, gathering important documents, and saving money if possible.
2. Seek Support: Reach out to domestic violence hotlines, support groups, or counselors who can guide you through the process.
3. Cut Off Contact: Once you leave, limit or eliminate contact with the abuser. Abusers often use communication as a tool to regain control.
4. Prioritize Healing: After leaving, focus on rebuilding your life and healing from the trauma. Therapy, support groups, and self-care can help you regain your sense of self-worth and strength.

Reclaiming Your Life

Abuse is not love. It’s control, cruelty, and domination. When someone has spent their life abusing others, they’ve made a choice—a choice to harm rather than heal, to destroy rather than build. You, however, have the power to choose differently.

Choose freedom. Choose safety. Choose a life where your worth isn’t measured by someone else’s ability to control or manipulate you. Because when you leave, you’re not just walking away from an abuser—you’re walking toward the life you deserve.