Financial control, manipulation, and harassment can cause immense emotional distress, especially when they intersect with broader issues of abuse or exploitation.

When someone moves money out of a shared account, racks up debts in your absence, and expects you to shoulder the burden, it reflects a violation of trust and autonomy. This behavior is not only morally wrong but may also be legally questionable, depending on the specifics. If this is part of a pattern of control and harassment, it could also point to financial abuse—a recognized form of domestic abuse.

Steps You Can Take to Regain Control

1. Assess the Immediate Situation
   • Review all your accounts and financial documents. Ensure that you understand what has been withdrawn, where it went, and the extent of any debts incurred.
   • If you notice unauthorized withdrawals or debts, keep a detailed record, including dates, amounts, and any communication related to these transactions.
2. Seek Legal Advice
   • Consult a lawyer or legal aid organization to understand your rights. Many jurisdictions have laws against financial abuse, and you may be able to challenge the debts or recover the stolen funds.
   • If you share the account with the person involved, a lawyer can advise on how to separate finances and protect your assets moving forward.
3. Protect Your Pension
   • If your pension is at risk, work with your pension provider to secure it. This might include setting up new passwords, ensuring your accounts are solely in your name, or transferring funds to a safer financial institution.
4. Get Support
   • Financial abuse often comes with emotional trauma. Connecting with a therapist, support group, or trusted friend can help you process the experience and build resilience.
   • Organizations that focus on domestic abuse may offer resources and advice specific to financial abuse.
5. Reclaim Autonomy
   • Consider opening a new account in your name at a different bank, if you haven’t already. Make sure only you have access to it.
   • Work on setting boundaries with the person involved. If possible, reduce or eliminate financial entanglements.
6. Involve Authorities, If Necessary
   • If the behavior escalates into threats, harassment, or further financial exploitation, you may need to involve law enforcement. Harassment and financial exploitation are serious offenses.

Recognizing Financial Abuse

Financial abuse can take many forms, including:

• Controlling your access to money.
• Coercing you into debt or using your funds without consent.
• Preventing you from accessing financial information or accounts.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and there are people and resources ready to help. Financial independence and emotional healing can be reclaimed, even if the journey feels daunting at first.