Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where a person or group attempts to dominate others by making them doubt their perception of reality. It’s frequently used by abusers, narcissists, dictators, and cult leaders. Almost anyone can fall prey to gaslighting, as it’s a gradual process. Over time, it erodes a person’s sense of reality so subtly that they often don’t realize how deeply they’ve been manipulated until it’s far too late.

11 Common Gaslighting Tactics

1. Blatant Lies: They tell obvious lies with complete conviction. Even though you know these statements are false, their confidence makes you second-guess yourself. You start to wonder: could they be right? This constant questioning is the first step toward doubting your own reality.
2. Denial Despite Evidence: They deny having said things, even when you have clear proof. They’ll act so sure in their denial that you begin to doubt your own memory. The more they do this, the more you start to rely on their version of events over your own.
3. Targeting What Matters Most to You: They weaponize what you hold dear—your core beliefs, values, and vulnerabilities—to get to you. They go after your identity, insecurities, and personal values, undermining the very things that define you.
4. Wearing You Down Gradually: Gaslighting isn’t a quick process; it’s a slow erosion of your confidence and perception. Small lies, subtle jabs, and occasional disrespect pile up over time, eventually overwhelming even the most aware people. It’s like slowly turning up the heat on a pot of water until it reaches boiling point without the “frog” realizing.
5. Words vs. Actions: Their words and actions rarely align. When someone gaslights, it’s essential to focus on what they do, not what they say. Their promises or declarations mean little; their behavior is what reveals their true intentions.
6. Masking Hurtful Comments as Jokes: They might say demeaning things and later dismiss them as jokes, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting. This tactic is meant to destabilize your confidence in interpreting the situation.
7. Creating Confusion: They know that confusion breeds dependency. By keeping you off balance, they undermine your sense of stability. Often, you turn to them for reassurance, even though they’re the ones causing the chaos.
8. Projection: They project their own flaws onto you. If they’re deceitful, they’ll accuse you of lying. If they’re mean, they’ll call you out for being mean. This projection keeps you on the defensive, distracted from recognizing their manipulative behavior.
9. Building Alliances Against You: Gaslighters excel at gathering supporters and turning them against you. They claim that others agree with their views, making you feel isolated and unsure of who to trust. This isolation strengthens their control over you.
10. Undermining Your Sanity: By casting doubts on your stability and suggesting you’re “overreacting” or “imagining things,” they sow mistrust among others. This creates a situation where even when you speak up about their behavior, others may not believe you.
11. Labeling Everyone Else as Untrustworthy: They may insist that your friends, family, or anyone outside their influence is dishonest or unreliable. By driving a wedge between you and others, they position themselves as your only source of “truth”—even though they are far from trustworthy.

These tactics are deliberately crafted to leave a person disoriented, dependent, and ultimately stripped of self-confidence. Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging, but recognizing the tactics is the first step toward breaking free from its grip.

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