The inconsistency between their words and actions speaks volumes. This pattern—pleading for a second chance and professing change, only to turn around and act in a way that contradicts those promises—often reflects a deeper, complex issue within their character and emotional makeup.

Here are some possible interpretations of what this behavior could indicate:

1. Manipulative Tendencies

• Emotional Appeal for Self-Interest: The initial plea for forgiveness and a second chance could be aimed more at getting what they want rather than truly acknowledging the impact of their behavior. When someone makes grand statements about “changing,” then quickly reneges on those promises, it often suggests they are using language as a tool to control or influence you, rather than as a reflection of their true intentions.
• Gaslighting and Control: Trying to appeal to your emotions by saying, “I’ve changed” or, “I love you so much,” while their actions prove otherwise, can be a form of gaslighting. It’s as if they’re counting on your emotions to outweigh the practical realities, hoping you’ll be swayed by their words despite their actual behavior.

2. Lack of Integrity or Honesty

• A Deeply Rooted Disconnect Between Words and Actions: People with strong integrity have a sense of consistency between what they say and what they do. When someone’s words don’t align with their actions, it indicates a lack of honesty with themselves and others. This can stem from self-centeredness, or from an inability to own up to their own faults and genuinely commit to change.
• Seeing Relationships Transactionally: Offering only a 20% settlement after making grand promises of love and reconciliation may reveal a tendency to see relationships in transactional terms rather than through a lens of mutual respect and empathy. They may not be willing to prioritize anyone else’s needs if they feel it isn’t personally advantageous to them.

3. Impulsiveness and Poor Emotional Regulation

• Volatile Emotions: The person may swing between emotional states, saying they’ve changed one day and then quickly returning to self-serving behaviors the next. This could indicate that they have poor emotional regulation skills. Rather than taking the time to do the difficult inner work of true change, they may impulsively say what sounds good in the moment.
• Superficial Promises of Change: Real change takes consistent effort and time. If this person is quick to claim a complete turnaround but reverts soon after, it suggests they may lack insight into the real issues or may not be willing to engage in the hard work of self-reflection and behavioral change.

4. Self-Serving or Narcissistic Traits

• Self-Centeredness Masked as Affection: Some individuals who display narcissistic traits use declarations of love and change as a smokescreen for their true intentions. For them, affection is conditional, often shown only when it serves a purpose. Their declarations may be designed to elicit sympathy or draw you back into a dynamic where they hold control, only to withdraw that affection once their needs are met.
• Lack of Empathy and Accountability: Offering a low settlement or denying that you “own anything” after trying to win back your trust shows a lack of empathy for how this affects you emotionally or financially. It suggests they are more invested in minimizing their own losses than being fair or considerate.

5. A Desire to Control the Narrative

• Building a False Sense of Reconciliation: When someone makes big promises about change and the future, only to pull back with hostile or dismissive actions soon after, it may be part of an attempt to create a narrative where they appear reasonable and conciliatory, while subtly maintaining the upper hand. By playing both “loving partner” and “cold negotiator,” they may be aiming to destabilize you, hoping you will acquiesce out of exhaustion or confusion.
• Undermining Your Confidence: This back-and-forth behavior could be an attempt to keep you in a position of uncertainty, which is a way of wielding control. By alternating between love and rejection, they may try to wear down your resolve, making you more likely to accept a less favorable arrangement.

6. Limited Self-Awareness and Depth

• Inability to Commit to Self-Reflection: Real change comes from consistent, sustained self-reflection and an awareness of one’s own flaws. When someone claims a total transformation but quickly returns to self-centered or aggressive behaviors, it suggests they may lack the self-awareness to genuinely understand their own motivations. In this case, they may not even fully realize the impact of their contradictory behavior, though that doesn’t absolve them of responsibility.

Moving Forward: Trust Your Intuition and Protect Yourself

People can change, but genuine transformation takes time, effort, and accountability. Someone who makes grand statements about being a “thoroughbred horse” but quickly reverts to dismissive or selfish behavior is showing you a crucial part of their character. It’s wise to trust their actions over their words in cases like this.

For your well-being, consider setting firm boundaries, consulting with a professional if needed, and focusing on practical steps to protect yourself emotionally and financially. This kind of inconsistent, unreliable behavior can take a toll on your mental health, so grounding yourself in what you need to feel safe, respected, and secure is key.