1. Boundary Micro-Tests (the fastest tell)
What you do:
You make a small, neutral limit early (time, pace, availability).
Entitlement response:
- Pushes back immediately
- Questions or negotiates your limit
- Acts confused or offended by a simple “no”
Healthy authority response:
- Accepts it without drama
- Adjusts or moves on
- Doesn’t need explanation
🔑 People who respect small boundaries will respect big ones.
2. Time & Access Assumptions
Watch for:
- Expecting rapid replies
- Acting irritated when you’re unavailable
- Treating your time as flexible, theirs as fixed
Subtext:
“I’m entitled to priority access to you.”
Healthy people ask. Entitled people assume.
3. Early Specialness Narratives
Listen carefully for:
- “I don’t usually do this, but for you…”
- “I’m different from most people”
- “Rules don’t really apply to me”
This isn’t confidence — it’s pre-justification.
Healthy authority doesn’t need exemptions to feel secure.
4. How They Talk About Past Limits
Huge data point.
Entitlement language:
- “People are too sensitive”
- “Everyone leaves / disappoints me”
- “I was treated unfairly” (without accountability)
Healthy authority language:
- Names conflict without contempt
- Owns some responsibility
- Shows learning, not grievance
Chronic grievance = unresolved entitlement.
5. Reaction to Neutral Delay or Distance
You don’t explain. You just slow the pace slightly.
Entitlement response:
- Increases pressure
- Seeks reassurance
- Subtly punishes with withdrawal or irritation
Healthy authority response:
- Maintains steadiness
- Doesn’t chase or sulk
- Self-regulates
Pressure reveals dependency on control.
6. Tone Policing Appears Early
A major red flag if it shows up fast.
Phrases like:
- “You’re a bit intense”
- “Why are you being difficult?”
- “You’re overthinking / aggressive”
This often appears before any real conflict — when you simply express preference.
That’s entitlement protecting access.
7. Empathy Direction Is One-Way
Ask yourself:
- Do they show curiosity about your limits?
- Or does empathy flow mainly toward them?
Entitlement feels like:
- you accommodate
- they receive
- balance is promised “later”
Later rarely comes.
8. Your Body Knows First
Before your mind catches up, notice:
- subtle tightening
- need to explain yourself
- urge to soften or reassure
- slight self-doubt after interactions
That’s not attraction.
That’s your nervous system clocking asymmetry.
The golden rule (memorise this)
Healthy people don’t need access to you to regulate themselves.
If someone needs compliance, reassurance, or special treatment to stay calm — entitlement is already present.
What to do when you spot it early
You don’t confront.
You hold steady.
- Keep boundaries neutral
- Reduce emotional investment
- Watch behaviour, not words
Entitlement exposes itself quickly when it isn’t fed.
