You absolutely should inform your lawyer, the judge (via your lawyer), and your psychologist if you believe the family lawyers on your ex’s side have been manipulating matters. This isn’t about accusation; it’s about protective disclosure and record‑keeping. Here’s how and why to do it safely and effectively.
Why Disclosure Is Important (and Protective)
1. To Your Lawyer
Your lawyer needs the full context to protect you properly.
Why it matters:
- Family‑aligned solicitors may have conflicts of interest
- Advice you received may have been strategically biased
- Financial or procedural decisions may have been steered against your interests
What this allows your lawyer to do:
- Reassess prior agreements or disclosures
- Flag potential conflicts or misconduct
- Seek court directions or independent oversight if needed
- Protect you from further procedural disadvantage
This is not “complaining” — it’s risk management.
2. To the Judge (Through Your Lawyer)
You generally do not speak directly to the judge — your lawyer raises it formally.
Why it matters to the court:
- Courts take conflicts of interest and procedural fairness very seriously
- If one side had disproportionate influence via family lawyers, it affects:
- fairness
- informed consent
- credibility of prior agreements
How it’s framed legally:
- “Concerns regarding independence of legal advice”
- “Potential conflicts affecting informed decision‑making”
- “Request for independent review / safeguards”
No accusations — just facts and concerns.
3. To Your Psychologist / Therapist
This is crucial and often overlooked.
Why it matters clinically:
- Legal manipulation is a form of coercive control
- It directly impacts:
- trauma symptoms
- trust erosion
- decision‑making capacity
- Your therapist can document:
- stress responses
- fear, confusion, or compliance under pressure
- impact on mental health
These records can later support:
- legal context
- capacity assessments
- trauma‑informed court understanding
How to Communicate It Safely (Key Rules)
🛑 Do NOT:
- Accuse anyone of criminal behavior without evidence
- Use emotional or inflammatory language
- Contact the opposing family solicitor directly
✅ DO:
- Stick to facts and observations
- Use phrases like:
- “I now have concerns…”
- “I was advised by family‑aligned counsel…”
- “I did not have independent representation…”
- Provide timelines and examples, not conclusions
Example Language (Safe and Neutral)
To Your Lawyer:
“I want to make you aware that during the relationship and separation, I was directed to deal primarily with solicitors who were family‑connected to my ex. I now have concerns about independence, transparency, and whether my interests were fully protected. I would like advice on how this may have affected prior decisions and what safeguards we should now put in place.”
To Your Psychologist:
“Legal processes during my separation involved my ex’s family lawyers. I experienced pressure, confusion, and fear around finances and decisions. I believe this contributed to my trauma response and impaired my sense of agency.”
Your lawyer can adapt this for court filings if appropriate.
Why This Is Not “Causing Trouble”
People often hesitate because they fear:
- retaliation
- being seen as “difficult”
- reopening painful issues
But here’s the truth:
Silence protects systems. Disclosure protects people.
Courts, lawyers, and clinicians can only act on what they know.
Bottom Line
✔️ Yes — inform your lawyer
✔️ Yes — allow your lawyer to inform the court if relevant
✔️ Yes — tell your psychologist so it’s clinically documented
Do it factually, calmly, and through proper channels.
That is not escalation — that is self‑protection and due process.
