After decades of patiently showing up for walks on the beach, days out, hobbies, cooking experiments, and all the joys that make life rich… I’ve discovered a shocking truth: some people only want a cameo in your life. Not the full feature. Not the behind-the-scenes bloopers. Just the highlights reel that benefits them financially or otherwise.

Let me be clear: if you’re not interested in sharing weekends, special occasions, spontaneous adventures, or even debating which pizza topping reigns supreme, I’m not interested. I’ve spent decades giving half my heart to people who only wanted half my time. Been there. Done that. Worn the t-shirt… and it’s faded, stained, and officially retired.

So, to anyone trying to sign up for my life with a subscription plan limited to “what I can do for you”: sorry, no refunds, no exchanges, and definitely no trial period.