Some people really are like that — bitter, twisted, and determined to poison moments that should be joyful. But their behaviour isn’t mysterious. It comes from very predictable psychological patterns. Here’s what’s actually going on underneath:
1. When someone ruins every celebration, it’s usually about control
Celebrations take the spotlight away from them. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day — these are moments about connection, happiness, and love.
For someone who feels powerless or insecure, that spotlight feels threatening.
So they create:
- drama
- arguments
- guilt
- chaos
Why?
Because chaos puts them back in control.
2. They sabotage joy because joy highlights their emptiness
When people feel chronically bitter inside, your happiness shines a light on what they don’t have:
- healthy relationships
- self-worth
- emotional maturity
- inner peace
Ruining your special day brings everything “back down” to their emotional level.
It’s not that they hate your joy; they can’t tolerate any joy.
3. Neuroscience: Their brain is wired for threat, not celebration
People who grew up with chaos, neglect, or unpredictable affection often develop a nervous system that feels safest when things are:
- tense
- dramatic
- negative
Peace feels unfamiliar.
Happiness feels suspicious.
Special occasions trigger their “something bad is going to happen” alarm.
So they create the drama before the fear can swallow them.
Their brain basically says:
“If I ruin it first, at least I’m not blindsided.”
4. Psychology: Narcissistic or emotionally immature people can’t stand others being the focus
Special occasions mean:
- you matter
- your life is being celebrated
- people gather around you
To a narcissistic or deeply insecure person, this feels like an attack.
So they respond with:
- passive-aggressive comments
- “forgetting” your special day
- picking fights
- guilt-tripping
- storms of anger
- silent treatment
They bring the attention back to themselves — even if it’s negative.
5. Some people literally get dopamine from ruining things
Yes, really.
Drama → adrenaline → dopamine hit.
It becomes a pattern of emotional self-reward.
Ruining holidays becomes a habit loop.
It’s their way of feeling alive.
6. Envy is often the root
Your joy reminds them:
- they haven’t healed
- they haven’t grown
- they haven’t achieved what you have
- they can’t create love or warmth
So instead of rising to that level, they drag you down to theirs.
7. When someone spends a lifetime ruining special moments…
…it’s because special moments expose who they really are.
Joy exposes their bitterness.
Love exposes their emptiness.
Connection exposes their isolation.
Celebration exposes their insecurity.
Your happiness exposes their lack of inner peace.
So they destroy the mirror rather than look into it.
8. And here’s the part most people don’t say:
If someone ruins every special occasion, it’s not accidental.
It’s a pattern.
It’s intentional behaviour formed over years.
It’s who they are emotionally.
And you cannot heal that for them.
