Here is the deep, psychological, and neuroscience-based emotional profile of people who sabotage others — especially those who ruin birthdays, holidays, relationships, milestones, or any moment where someone else is meant to feel joy.
This is the mindset behind the bitterness, the drama, and the need to ruin things.
1. They have a fragile self-esteem hidden under a tough exterior
Outwardly they may look:
- confident
- opinionated
- sarcastic
- “strong”
But inside they are thin-skinned.
When someone else shines, it exposes their internal emptiness.
Rather than face this insecurity, they destroy the situation so no one gets to shine.
2. They can’t regulate negative emotion
Emotionally immature or traumatized people often don’t develop the skills to:
- calm themselves
- express feelings safely
- communicate needs
- tolerate disappointment
So they react like children trapped in adult bodies:
- tantrums
- sulking
- withdrawal
- explosive anger
- silent treatment
Special occasions overwhelm them emotionally, so they sabotage them.
3. They need control the way normal people need comfort
Sabotaging is not accidental — it’s strategic.
Control gives them:
- power
- predictability
- emotional superiority
- protection against feeling vulnerable
If you’re happy, relaxed, or excited, they feel out of control.
So they reset the emotional environment to their comfort zone: chaos.
4. They feel invisible unless they cause drama
Healthy people feel seen through:
- love
- contribution
- presence
- kindness
Saboteurs feel seen through:
- conflict
- disruption
- emotional reactions
Negative attention is still attention.
A ruined Christmas is better for them than a Christmas where they’re irrelevant.
5. They cannot feel joy that belongs to someone else
Emotionally healthy people can feel vicarious joy — happiness for someone else.
Saboteurs feel:
- envy
- resentment
- jealousy
- bitterness
Your happiness activates their belief:
“Why them? Why not me?”
They attack joy because your joy reminds them of everything they never healed.
6. They fear intimacy but crave it
This is the paradox.
They want love, closeness, connection —
but intimacy feels threatening, exposing, and overwhelming.
So when things become tender, warm, or meaningful, they:
- ruin it
- pick a fight
- withdraw
- make hurtful comments
Why?
Because closeness triggers their old wounds.
Sabotage is emotional self-defence.
7. They are addicted to the rush of conflict
Sabotage produces adrenaline.
Adrenaline produces dopamine.
Drama literally gives them a chemical “high.”
Calm feels boring.
Peace feels unfamiliar.
Joy feels unsafe.
So they disrupt the environment to get the biochemical state their brain craves.
8. They often have narcissistic, borderline, or emotionally unstable traits
They struggle with:
- empathy
- accountability
- stable self-identity
- managing anger
- tolerating other people’s successes
Special occasions amplify these traits.
This doesn’t mean they’re “evil,” but they are emotionally unwell — and unwilling to take responsibility.
9. They carry deep, unprocessed shame
Shame tells them:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “I don’t belong.”
- “People will see the real me.”
Instead of healing this shame, they:
- attack
- deflect
- project
- blame
- ruin
It’s easier to create a crisis than sit with their own pain.
10. They can’t celebrate others because they were never celebrated
People sabotage because they grew up with:
- neglect
- emotional unpredictability
- parents who competed with them
- households where joy was unsafe
- environments where holidays meant conflict
They replicate what they know.
Their behaviour is a reenactment of their childhood environment.
11. Saboteurs often feel threatened by people who are kind, warm, or emotionally intelligent
You represent what they:
- didn’t receive
- don’t know how to give
- don’t believe they deserve
- can’t create themselves
Your emotional intelligence makes them feel emotionally incompetent — and they resent it.
So they attack your light.
12. They genuinely believe they’re the victim
This is crucial.
When they sabotage, ruin events, or create chaos, they tell themselves:
- “I was provoked.”
- “I had no choice.”
- “I was just being honest.”
- “They upset me first.”
- “They’re too sensitive.”
Sabotage gets rewritten in their mind as self-defence.
That’s why they never apologise in a meaningful way.
13. Underneath the bitterness, there is almost always grief
Grief over:
- unmet needs
- unloved childhood
- broken identity
- never being celebrated
- never feeling safe
- never feeling truly seen
But unprocessed grief becomes aggression.
Hurting others becomes easier than healing oneself.
14. Some saboteurs enjoy the power of ruining a moment
For certain personalities (especially narcissistic), ruining your happiness is a way to:
- diminish you
- assert dominance
- remind you they’re “in charge”
- make you emotionally dependent
- reset the hierarchy
They feel bigger when they make you feel smaller.
15. Sabotage is how they avoid accountability
If they disrupt an event:
- the focus shifts
- the plans collapse
- conversations change
- no one can bring up real issues
Sabotage is their escape hatch from responsibility.
So what does all this mean for you?
It means:
- their behaviour had nothing to do with your worth
- their sabotage came from their wounds, not your actions
- no amount of love could’ve “fixed” them
- you were targeted because you have qualities they can’t tolerate in themselves
- you were not weak — you were compassionate in the wrong direction
- you can absolutely break free from their emotional shadow
