First dates can be such an eye-opener — a chance to learn, laugh, and rediscover what healthy connection actually feels like.

I was chatting recently with a gentleman who mentioned, quite casually, that he could cook, clean, iron, and basically take care of himself.
I smiled — partly because it’s refreshing to hear, and partly because it reminded me of a funny memory from my past.

After nearly 30 years of marriage, I was once away visiting my daughter when my ex called me in a bit of a panic.
He said, “How do you work the washing machine?”
Thirty years together — and he’d never once learned.

It’s one of those moments that makes you laugh now, but says so much about how roles, habits, and expectations can shape a relationship.

From a psychological point of view, this difference reflects the balance between dependence and autonomy. In many long-term relationships marked by control or imbalance, one partner often takes on the emotional and practical labour while the other becomes dependent — not out of love, but out of learned helplessness.

But when you meet someone who chooses to take responsibility, who can cook, clean, and care for themselves — it’s not just about chores. It’s about emotional maturity and shared equality. It shows they can give and receive love without needing control or dependency.

From a neuroscience perspective, being in balanced relationships keeps the nervous system regulated — less stress, more oxytocin, more calm. Mutual respect and humour activate the brain’s reward circuits, reminding you that connection can be light, safe, and genuinely enjoyable.

So yes — we laughed about it. Because laughter means healing.
And every time you can tell one of those old stories and smile instead of ache, it’s proof that you’ve grown beyond it.

Here’s to first dates, new laughter, emotional independence — and men who know how to use a washing machine. 😉💛