Instructions: For each statement, check ✅ if it’s true in your relationship. Fewer checks may indicate your needs aren’t being fully met.
1. Emotional Attention
- My partner listens attentively when I speak, without immediately turning the focus back to themselves.
Neuroscience note: Active listening triggers oxytocin release, creating trust and emotional bonding. - They ask about my feelings and genuinely care about my perspective.
Psychology note: Reciprocal emotional interest supports attachment security.
2. Time and Presence
- They spend quality time with me, not just when it’s convenient.
Brain cue: Shared enjoyable experiences release dopamine and strengthen connection. - They are fully present, not distracted by phones or other people when we are together.
3. Respect and Boundaries
- They respect my personal boundaries without me having to repeatedly enforce them.
Neuroscience cue: Feeling respected reduces cortisol (stress hormone) and boosts emotional safety. - They don’t belittle, shame, or dismiss my thoughts or feelings.
4. Support and Encouragement
- They celebrate my successes and encourage my personal growth.
Psychology note: Supportive reinforcement increases self-esteem and mutual trust. - They are there for me during hard times, not just when life is easy or fun.
5. Effort and Initiative
- They make consistent effort to contribute to the relationship, not just me.
Brain cue: Mutual effort maintains a healthy oxytocin-dopamine balance; one-sided effort triggers stress pathways. - They remember small details about me and our relationship without prompting.
6. Affection and Appreciation
- They show physical and verbal affection in ways that feel meaningful to me.
- They express gratitude and appreciation regularly, not only when I do something “extra.”
7. Conflict and Resolution
- Conflicts are addressed respectfully, with a focus on solutions rather than blame.
- They listen and adjust when I express discomfort, rather than dismissing or minimizing it.
How to Score:
- All or nearly all ✅: Your needs are likely being met; the relationship is reciprocal.
- Half or fewer ✅: Warning sign: You may be investing more than you are receiving. Your brain’s reward pathways may be being hijacked by intermittent reinforcement (breadcrumb effect).
- Mostly ❌: High likelihood of a one-sided relationship; chronic stress and cortisol may be elevated, while oxytocin and dopamine rewards are inconsistent.
