You know how they say “love is blind”? Well in my case, love wasn’t just blind — it was half-cut, stumbling around without its glasses, and should have booked an urgent appointment at Specsavers.

Because honestly… how did I end up with him? Shallow. Mean. Ugly inside and out. My friend nailed it in one sentence: “How did you end up with someone like that?” And do you know what? I still don’t have a good answer.

Even the psychologist in France spotted it. First meeting. Took one look at him and you could see it written all over his professional face: “No pride in his appearance. None whatsoever.” That wasn’t psychology — that was optometry. The man should have been referred to wardrobe triage immediately.

And let’s not forget the children — his own children! Even they laughed at the way he dressed. You know things are dire when the kids are basically running an in-house fashion police department. His daughter was the most savage of all. She took one look at his fishing photos and said, “He looks like Bill Oddie.”

Bill Oddie. With a fishing rod. And less charisma. Try unseeing that once it’s lodged in your head.

Now here’s the kicker. The whole time, I was making excuses. “Oh, looks aren’t everything. It’s what’s inside that counts.” Except what was inside wasn’t any better! Shallow. Mean. Cruel. Ugly from the core outward. Honestly, Savers wouldn’t have touched him, and Savers will stock anything.

So yes, ladies and gentlemen, I should have gone to Specsavers. Should have booked a double appointment: one for my eyes, and one for my judgment. Because love may be blind — but Specsavers has two-for-one frames, and I clearly needed them both.

And now? Now I can laugh. Now I can hold my head high. Because once you’ve lived with “Bill Oddie’s evil twin in cargo shorts,” you really do appreciate what it means to be with a real man.