An abuser who lies not just to the victim but to their family, their new partner, the court, and even recruits others to lie — is sadly not rare. It’s a web of manipulation that touches psychology, neuroscience, and the law. Let’s break this down from those perspectives:
🔹 Psychological Perspective
- Pathological Lying & Impression Management
Abusers often rely on deception as a survival strategy. They carefully curate the image they present to others (“charming,” “caring,” “misunderstood”) while painting the victim as unstable or vindictive. This is a form of impression management, rooted in narcissistic or antisocial traits. - Gaslighting on a Collective Scale
When they get family and friends to lie for them, they are enlisting “flying monkeys” (a term from narcissistic abuse studies). This creates a collective gaslighting effect, where the survivor is made to feel outnumbered, silenced, and discredited. - Psychological Toll on the Abuser’s Supporters
Family members who lie “for” the abuser are often under psychological pressure themselves — bound by loyalty, fear, denial, or shame. Over time, carrying falsehoods creates cognitive dissonance (the mental stress of holding conflicting truths), which can erode their mental health.
🔹 Neuroscience Perspective
- The Brain Under Lies
Research shows that repeated lying reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system for guilt and fear. The more a person lies, the less the brain reacts — meaning deceit becomes easier and less stressful over time. This is why serial liars can commit perjury without visible guilt. - Impact on the Victim’s Brain
Being lied about, discredited, and legally attacked keeps a survivor’s nervous system in chronic hypervigilance. The brain’s stress circuits (amygdala, hippocampus, prefrontal cortex) get dysregulated, leading to anxiety, insomnia, and even symptoms of PTSD. Essentially, the courtroom becomes another arena of trauma. - Neurobiology of Collective Deceit
When multiple people align to protect the abuser’s lie, the survivor’s brain perceives this as social exile — one of the most painful forms of human stress. Studies show that social rejection activates the same neural pain circuits as physical injury.
🔹 Legal Consequences
- Perjury
Lying under oath is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions. While not always prosecuted aggressively, perjury can lead to fines, criminal charges, or imprisonment. Courts generally take it more seriously when it obstructs justice (e.g., custody cases, restraining orders, financial disputes). - Subornation of Perjury
If an abuser persuades or pressures others to lie in court, that can amount to subornation of perjury, which is a separate, punishable offense. - Pattern of Deception as Evidence
Even if each lie isn’t punished individually, courts can consider a pattern of dishonesty when assessing credibility. Judges sometimes explicitly state that one party’s lack of truthfulness taints their entire testimony. - Civil Ramifications
Lies in legal proceedings can backfire — damaging custody rights, divorce settlements, reputation, and credibility in future court cases.
🔹 Long-Term Consequences (Psychological & Social)
- For the Abuser: Living in a self-made reality requires constant reinforcement. This often isolates them in the long run, because they must control every narrative. It corrodes relationships and leaves them dependent on deception.
- For the “Flying Monkeys”: Defending lies can create guilt, fractured family bonds, and eventually regret when truth emerges.
- For the Survivor: Although devastating, many survivors who endure this eventually come out stronger — their story backed by time, consistency, and the reality that truth has a way of surfacing.
✅ Takeaway:
From neuroscience and psychology, lying numbs the abuser’s conscience while traumatizing the survivor’s nervous system. From the legal side, perjury and subornation of perjury carry real risks — and credibility in court is fragile. The abuser may win short-term battles with lies, but over time, deceit erodes trust, reputation, and sometimes even freedom.
