When it all goes quiet in a relationship, it can be one of the clearest windows into what it truly was — love, lust, or maybe something else entirely.
Here’s how you can break it down:
1. Lust tends to fade when the stimulation stops
- Lust is fuelled by novelty, physical attraction, and dopamine hits from sexual or exciting encounters.
- If the connection was mostly physical or surface-level, silence often feels like a total shutdown — no urge to check in, no warmth, no deeper interest.
- In this case, the “quiet” feels empty, almost like the whole bond evaporated once physical closeness or flirting slowed down.
2. Love tends to seek connection even in the quiet
- Love is built on emotional intimacy, care, and shared life investment.
- Even when things get quiet (because life gets busy, or there’s a disagreement, or just a lull), someone who loves you still wants to bridge that silence. They’ll reach out, check in, or at least make sure you feel secure.
- The quiet in love can feel comfortable — like two people who don’t need constant noise to feel connected — but it’s not an absence of care.
3. The key question: Is the silence connection or absence?
- In love, silence can still feel like presence — a knowing they’re there for you, even if they’re not talking right now.
- In lust, silence is usually absence — the connection doesn’t exist without the “spark,” so when it’s not being fed, there’s nothing left.
4. The neuroscience angle
- Lust is heavily dopamine-driven — high reward-seeking behaviour. When the stimuli (sex, flirting, novelty) stops, dopamine drops and so does interest.
- Love, particularly long-term attachment, is oxytocin and vasopressin-driven — it creates a sense of safety, belonging, and care. This makes people more likely to maintain bonds even when things are quiet or challenging.
💡 A quick self-check:
If the silence leaves you feeling abandoned, anxious, and like you were “dropped,” it might have been lust or convenience.
If the silence still feels like you’re part of something real, even without words, it’s closer to love.
