I remember it clearly — the day I dared to ask for something simple.
A two-day trip. One room.
Asia Gardens in Benidorm — a place I had dreamed of visiting.
It wasn’t extravagant. It wasn’t reckless.
It was a gentle, honest request — something to look forward to. A little beauty to soften the hard edges of life.
And still, the answer was No.
No, we can’t afford it.
No, it’s not a good time.
No, you’re asking too much.
No, even if you offer to pay.
No, because your joy is never the priority.
We hadn’t been on holiday since arriving in Spain. I thought maybe this time, for Christmas or my birthday, something might be different. That maybe, just maybe, I’d be seen.
Instead, it turned into a public scene — voices raised, my heart sinking, humiliation served alongside dinner. I remember walking out of the restaurant — the first time I’d ever done something like that. People stared, stunned, watching a man shout down his wife over something so simple. Something so harmless. Something so easily given, if love had been present.
And even in that moment, when I had already offered to pay for everything myself — he couldn’t allow it. Because control was more important than connection. Because keeping me small was more valuable than seeing me smile.
I remember when he asked if I wanted dessert.
And I, drained and tired, simply replied,
“Are you sure we can afford it?”
It was my quiet rebellion. My line in the sand.
I let him enjoy his own, took the keys, and drove myself home.
And now?
Now, it’s YES.
Yes to weekends away.
Yes to last-minute bookings.
Yes to solo escapes and spontaneous holidays with people who bring joy instead of judgment.
Yes to freedom.
Yes to peace.
Yes to loving myself enough to stop begging.
There’s bliss in this chapter of my life. Bliss in being able to say: I want this, and I can have it.
There’s healing in buying the ticket, packing the bag, and walking into the space I was once told I didn’t deserve.
There’s power in not asking for permission anymore.
And there’s deep, divine joy in giving yourself what you were always told was “too much.”
To anyone who has ever been denied, dismissed, or diminished — I want you to know:
Your desires were never unreasonable.
Your joy was never too expensive.
You were simply trying to live in color, in a life someone else insisted should stay grey.
Here’s to no more shrinking.
No more begging.
No more “No, no, no.”
From now on, it’s yes, yes, yes — to whatever makes you feel alive.
And you don’t need anyone’s permission to feel good ever again.
