Living with escalating danger

Living with escalating danger, especially from someone with a known history of abuse and untreated mental health issues, is terrifying — and you do not have to endure it alone or in silence.

When abuse escalates — especially in the volatile period of divorce or separation — your safety and psychological well-being are the top priority. The fact that a psychological assessment has already flagged the danger as “high” and now “extremely high” is a red flag that calls for immediate, proactive protection.

Here’s a breakdown of actions you should take now, combining psychological, legal, and practical safety strategies:

🌪️ 1. Treat This Like a Crisis — Because It Is

If the danger is extremely high and escalating, do not wait for another incident. Do not minimize it. Many victims are gaslit into doubting their fear. But this is the time to fully trust your instincts.

Contact authorities immediately if you are in active danger (or feel it could happen any moment).
If you have a protection order (restraining order) and it is being violated, that must be reported every single time — create a paper trail.

🛡️ 2. Increase Physical Security Immediately

Cameras: Make sure your security cameras (external and internal) are working, visible, and backed up to the cloud.
Locks: Upgrade to high-security locks. Use door wedges at night or if you’re inside alone.
Windows and Access Points: Reinforce windows with shatterproof film. Secure back entrances or less obvious points of entry.
Alarms and Panic Buttons: Install an intruder alarm that’s loud and sends alerts. Carry a panic alarm (rape alarm or Bluetooth-enabled button connected to your phone).
Create a Safe Room: Have one space where you can lock yourself in temporarily, ideally with a second exit if possible (like a bathroom with a window).

👮‍♀️ 3. Notify Authorities and Professionals Who Can Act

Law Enforcement: Go to your local police station with a copy of the psychological risk assessment. Ask to speak to a domestic violence liaison officer or someone who deals with high-risk cases.
Social Services / Domestic Violence Services: They can help you with emergency housing, legal advocacy, and threat assessment.
Your Lawyer: If you’re divorcing, your solicitor should be informed of the escalation and that the other party is off prescribed meds and showing dangerous behavior. This can have legal implications for custody, visitation, and property negotiations.

🗂️ 4. Document Everything — Without Delay

Create a secure folder (physical or digital — ideally both) to log:

Times, dates, and descriptions of every abusive or threatening incident.
Screenshots of texts, emails, calls, social media harassment.
Medical reports, therapy letters, police incident numbers.
The psychological assessments you’ve had.

This is not just for court — it’s also a way to reaffirm your reality when you’re being gaslit or questioned.

💬 5. Tell the Right People (Selective Disclosure)

You don’t need to tell everyone — just key people who can help or keep an eye out:

Trusted neighbors: Share a photo and ask them to alert you or the police if they see anything.
Friends and family: Create a code word that means “I need help now” — use it if you can’t talk openly.
Your employer (if relevant): They can offer workplace protection or flexibility.

📱 6. Use Tech Wisely

Safety apps like Noonlight, Aspire News, or Circle of 6 can help you alert contacts discreetly.
Phone settings: Turn off location sharing (unless you’re using it intentionally with a safety contact), and check for any spyware or tracking software.
Use a burner phone or second phone if you fear yours may be compromised.

🧠 7. Psychological Safety & Support

This situation is traumatic and constantly activating your nervous system. Seek trauma-informed support:

A therapist or counselor who understands coercive control and high-risk abuse cases.
Grounding practices: Even small routines like deep breathing, walks with your dog, or journaling can help soothe the nervous system.
Validation: Abuse that escalates during divorce is not your fault. The abuser may be unraveling because they are losing control, but their choices are theirs alone.

🚨 Bonus: What If He Comes to the House Again?

If someone walks into your home uninvited again:

Call emergency services immediately.
Don’t confront directly — retreat to your safe room or exit the house if you can.
If they leave “symbolic” messages or items (e.g. gold hearts, music), photograph and log it. This behavior is psychological warfare and could be classed as stalking or harassment.

🧭 Final Note: You Are Not Overreacting

When people don’t take their meds for anger/impulse control and you’re already in a tense legal or emotional separation, the risk of violence is statistically much higher. You are right to be vigilant.

You do not need permission to protect your life.