You bring up something that’s been bothering you. Maybe it’s the cold tone, the lies, the lack of empathy, or the way they disappear when things get hard.
You hope for understanding, maybe even a calm conversation.
But instead, you’re met with this:
“You’re the one creating all the drama.”
“This wouldn’t be a problem if you just stopped overthinking.”
“You always need something to complain about.”
And just like that, your concern is twisted into a character flaw. Your truth is turned into a problem. You are the problem.
Sound familiar?
Let’s unpack what’s really going on when someone tells you “You’re creating this yourself.”
🎠1. It’s a Classic Deflection Strategy
When someone can’t or won’t take responsibility for their behavior, one of the easiest ways to dodge accountability is to turn the spotlight back on you.
This is called deflection.
Rather than owning their hurtful actions or lack of empathy, they:
- Blame your reaction
- Question your mental state
- Accuse you of “starting” the issue
Suddenly, you’re no longer discussing the harm done—you’re defending your right to even feel it.
🧠2. It Hijacks Your Nervous System and Instills Doubt
When someone says “You’re making this up” or “This is all you,” your nervous system reacts as if you’re under threat—because emotionally, you are.
The amygdala lights up. Your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. Your logical brain (prefrontal cortex) gets hijacked, and suddenly you’re questioning:
- “Was it really that bad?”
- “Maybe I am too sensitive.”
- “What if I’m the one ruining everything?”
This is manipulation, not clarity. It’s designed to keep you small, confused, and quiet.
🕳️ 3. Over Time, You Internalize the Message
The more someone tells you that you’re the problem, the more likely you are to believe it.
This is how internalized gaslighting develops. You stop trusting your emotions. You silence your intuition. You edit your words, your needs, and eventually—yourself.
You start to live in a constant state of self-doubt, walking on eggshells, trying not to “cause” problems that were never yours to carry.
đź’Ą 4. The Real Problem is the Lack of Emotional Safety
In healthy relationships, problems are shared—not assigned.
If you’re feeling unseen, neglected, hurt, or confused, a safe partner will want to understand and repair—not blame or minimize.
When someone says “You’re creating the problems”, they’re really saying:
- “I don’t want to reflect on my own behavior.”
- “Your discomfort makes me uncomfortable.”
- “I’d rather shame you than show up for you.”
That’s not love. That’s avoidance disguised as logic.
🛑 5. What You Can Say Instead of Silencing Yourself
When you hear “You’re making this into something it’s not”, try gently anchoring in your truth:
- “My feelings are valid, even if you don’t understand them.”
- “This isn’t about blaming—it’s about me trying to feel safe with you.”
- “I know what I experienced, and I’m allowed to speak about it.”
You don’t need to debate your truth. You only need to trust it.
🌱 Final Thought: You’re Not Creating the Problem—You’re Naming It
There’s a big difference between creating drama and naming dysfunction.
You are not difficult for noticing patterns that hurt you.
You are not overreacting for asking for emotional accountability.
You are not the problem.
You are simply the one brave enough to stop pretending there isn’t one.
💬 Have you been told “You’re creating this yourself”? You are not alone, and you’re not imagining it. Drop a 💬 if you’ve ever been made to doubt your reality—and are learning to reclaim it now.
#EmotionalAbuseAwareness #GaslightingRecovery #YouAreNotTheProblem #HealingAfterAbuse #TraumaInformedTruth #SelfValidation #EmotionalSafetyMatters #ToxicCommunication #DeflectionTactics #ReclaimYourVoice
