You’ve seen it before.
The smear campaign, the silent phone calls, the sudden coldness from mutual friends, the legal threats whispered through third parties.
And somehow — the person behind it all walks away with clean hands and a smile.
Because they didn’t say it. They didn’t do it. Someone else did.
But you know. You’ve seen this dance before.
This is psychological warfare by proxy — and it’s a signature move of a manipulative, vengeful personality.
🎭 The Psychology of Covert Retaliation
When someone is highly manipulative, especially with narcissistic, antisocial, or borderline traits, they often avoid direct conflict once you’ve exposed them.
Why?
Because now you see them.
And that terrifies them.
So instead of confronting you directly, they enlist others — often vulnerable, loyal, or unaware people — to do their dirty work. These people are called proxies, go-betweens, or in clinical terms: “flying monkeys” (a reference to the Wicked Witch’s army in The Wizard of Oz).
🐒 Who Becomes the Gofer?
- A loyal family member desperate to stay in their good graces
- An ex-partner still under their spell
- A mutual friend unaware of the full story
- A coworker who believes the narrative they’ve been fed
- Even your own friends or relatives who are being guilted, flattered, or manipulated
The abuser may act like they’ve “moved on” or are “just concerned” while sowing chaos in the background — smearing your name, distorting the truth, and controlling the story.
🎯 Why They Use Others
- Plausible Deniability: They can always say, “That wasn’t me. I didn’t tell them to do that.”
- Avoiding Consequences: They don’t want legal, social, or reputational backlash.
- Maintaining Control: Even without access to you, they can still provoke a reaction.
- Image Protection: They maintain the victim or hero persona in public, while privately orchestrating revenge.
- Power Thrill: Watching others dance to their tune gives them a sense of superiority.
🧠 Psychological Red Flags You’ve Seen Before
- They’ve used triangulation before — turning people against each other while acting neutral.
- They are expert storytellers who shape narratives to paint themselves as the misunderstood one.
- They use guilt, charm, fear, or obligation to control others.
- They have a long history of drama following them — but never seem directly involved.
🛡️ What You Can Do When the Sabotage Is By Proxy
- Stay Calm and Document Everything: Keep records of what’s being said and done, even if it’s through others.
- Don’t Confront the Gofer: Most of the time, they’re pawns who don’t fully understand the game they’re in.
- Cut Off the Supply: If the abuser has access to people who pass them your news, change your privacy settings, mute or block shared contacts, and create safe circles.
- Trust the Pattern: If you’ve seen this manipulation before, trust your gut. You don’t need “proof” to protect your peace.
- Disengage and Detach: The goal is to bait you into reacting. The most powerful response is no response.
- Seek Support: Therapeutic support and survivor networks will validate and guide you. You’re not “crazy” — you’re being targeted by someone who wants control, not closure.
🔥 Final Words
If they need a messenger, they’ve already lost the message.
If they need a puppet, they’re too afraid to act on their own.
And if they’re still trying to sabotage you after you’ve walked away — it means your freedom threatens them more than your presence ever did.
They may play innocent.
But you know what you’ve seen. You know the truth of their pattern.
You have risen before, and you will rise again — wiser, stronger, and unshakably clear.
