When someone responds to your experience of abuse with judgment, condescension, or a moral high ground, they are not actually engaging with your reality.
They are defending theirs.
They are protecting the illusion — of the “good” brother, father, son, or uncle. They are shielding the family name, their own egos, their denial.
Often, they can’t handle the cognitive dissonance of loving someone who caused harm.
So, instead of being curious, compassionate, or courageous enough to hold space for your pain, they attack or dismiss.
This is not about you being wrong.
It’s about them refusing to be uncomfortable.
2. Superiority Is a Wall — Not a Door
When someone talks down to you as if you’re somehow less intelligent, unstable, or “too emotional” to be taken seriously, they are not engaging in dialogue — they are engaged in domination.
This isn’t a conversation; it’s a control tactic.
You can pour your heart out, explain calmly, cry, provide facts, even bring proof — but when someone is operating from a place of superiority, their goal isn’t understanding.
Their goal is preserving power.
3. You’re Speaking From Lived Experience — They’re Responding From Fear or Conditioning
You’ve done the work. You’ve sat with your pain, faced the uncomfortable truths, and chosen to heal. That takes bravery. Most people never do it.
People who haven’t faced their own shadows often feel threatened by those who have.
It’s easier for them to label you as “bitter” or “unstable” than to ask themselves the hard questions:
- Did I ignore the signs?
- Did I enable this behavior?
- Could I have done more?
4. No, You Don’t Need to Keep Explaining Yourself
There comes a point in healing where you realise:
Silence is more powerful than self-betrayal.
You don’t owe anyone your pain in a format that makes them comfortable.
You don’t have to keep revisiting your trauma for people who refuse to grow.
You don’t need to play the educator, the explainer, the justifier — especially not to people who’ve made up their minds before you’ve even spoken.
So What Can You Do Instead?
- Set boundaries. If someone consistently speaks to you with superiority or judgment, that’s not a relationship — that’s emotional erosion.
- Protect your peace. You’ve worked too hard to give your energy to those who don’t want to understand.
- Put your truth where it will be honoured. Whether that’s in survivor communities, therapy spaces, advocacy work, or simply with people who truly see you.
A Final Thought:
You can’t awaken someone who is committed to staying asleep.
You can’t reach someone who doesn’t want to meet you halfway.
And you don’t need to.
Your healing doesn’t require their validation.
Their denial is not your burden.
Their righteousness is not your mirror.
You know what happened. You know what you’ve survived.
And that’s more than enough.
