When the Person You Fear May Be Involved in Illicit or Disturbing Behavior
(Especially within Domestic Abuse or Coercive Control)
✨ You are not overreacting.
✨ You are not to blame.
✨ And you do not have to carry this terrifying secret alone.
🔥 Common Scenarios Survivors Face:
- You’ve seen suspicious photos on your partner’s phone or device.
- They are secretive or act strangely about devices or online activity.
- You’ve caught a glimpse of something that left you sick to your stomach — but you were too afraid to confront it.
- They’ve made inappropriate comments about young people, even family members.
- And when you raise concerns, you’re told:
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’ll ruin everything if you tell.”
- “It’s normal. Everyone watches stuff like that.”
- Or you’re threatened into silence.
This is not normal. This is not safe. This may be a crime.
🛡️ What You Can Do (Safely)
1. Speak to a Professional Confidentially
Tell a therapist, support worker, or GP what you saw or suspect. Be honest, even if it sounds confusing. Use words like:
“I’m worried they’re looking at illegal material on their phone.”
“There are images I saw once that really scared me.”
“I’m afraid to report because they’re violent.”
🔹 Professionals can help you log this information safely and begin a risk assessment.
🔹 If you’re in the UK, a DA specialist or IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advocate) can guide you.
2. Create a Safe Reporting Window
If you’re still living with the person, do not confront them.
Instead:
- Wait until they are asleep, at work, or away.
- Use private browsing or a friend’s device to report.
- Delete history after reporting.
- Don’t store or forward the content. Even to report — this can criminalize you. Take note of the app, user, time, and device used.
3. Where to Report Anonymously
🇬🇧 UK:
- Internet Watch Foundation (IWF):
🔗 https://report.iwf.org.uk/en
Anonymous. You don’t need to provide personal info. - CEOP (Child Exploitation & Online Protection):
🔗 https://www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/
Choose: “I’m reporting for someone else”
(They protect adult and child victims.) - Crimestoppers UK:
📞 0800 555 111
🔗 https://crimestoppers-uk.org
Completely anonymous tip-off line.
4. Tell Your Lawyer (if involved in legal proceedings)
If you’re already dealing with:
- Divorce or separation
- Custody hearings
- Protective orders
Let your lawyer or court advocate know what you suspect. They may be able to request device searches or include this in safeguarding measures.
🚨 If They Are Violent or Dangerous
If you’re afraid for your safety, or if the person has ever:
- Hurt or threatened you
- Destroyed your phone or belongings
- Taken your passport or money
- Monitored your calls or movements
👉 This is a red flag for coercive control, and it’s critical to speak to a domestic abuse advocate. You may need a safety plan before reporting.
Use:
- Women’s Aid (UK): https://www.womensaid.org.uk
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 📞 0808 2000 247 (24/7, confidential)
- Bright Sky App: A discreet app to find help locally and plan exits
🧠 Reminder for Survivors:
- You are not responsible for their behavior.
- You are not imagining it.
- Protecting a predator to protect their image is never your job.
- You deserve to feel safe. And so does every child in your community.
💬 But everyone tells you to stay quiet.
“What if the person you’re afraid of…
is also hiding something horrific?”
You saw something. You suspect something.
But everyone tells you to stay quiet.
That you’re imagining it.
That you’ll “destroy the family” if you speak up.
⚠️ If you believe someone is viewing or storing illegal images — even if you’re in a relationship with them — you are allowed to speak up.
📍 Report anonymously via IWF, CEOP, or Crimestoppers.
🧠 Talk to your therapist or support worker.
🛡️ And above all: Protect yourself first.
Your silence doesn’t keep people safe. But your voice might.
