In the beginning, it can feel like everything you’ve ever wanted.
They’re charming. Attentive. Sweeping you off your feet.
They say all the right things. Mirror your hopes. Echo your pain.
You feel seen. Special. Chosen.

It feels like love.
But sometimes… it’s not.

What you’re feeling is intensity — not intimacy.
Obsession — not devotion.
Control disguised as care.

Psychologically, this can be deeply confusing — especially if you’ve grown up in chaos, neglect, or emotional inconsistency.
Your nervous system may associate drama with connection, and possession with passion.

💡 This is where the confusion begins.

In abusive dynamics, the early phase is often known as “love bombing.”
It’s overwhelming affection, gifts, declarations of forever…
Not built on real trust, but on speed and manipulation.
It creates a false sense of safety — a fast-tracked bond.

And when that perfect beginning starts to shift — when the subtle digs creep in, when your boundaries are tested, when you start to feel smaller —
you may find yourself clinging to the memory of who they were at the start.
You tell yourself:
“They’re just going through something.”
“Maybe it’s my fault.”
“If I try harder, they’ll come back.”

But the truth is: That version of them was never real.
It was a mask.

✨ Real love doesn’t rush.
✨ Real love respects your “no.”
✨ Real love doesn’t punish you for needing space, safety, or truth.

Abuse can feel like love in the beginning — but love should never feel like fear, self-abandonment, or confusion.

So how can you tell the difference?

🔍 Here’s a quick reality check:

• Love empowers.
  Abuse diminishes.
• Love is consistent.
  Abuse is conditional.
• Love honors boundaries.
  Abuse bulldozes them.
• Love feels safe.
  Abuse keeps you anxious.

If you grew up equating love with unpredictability, criticism, or having to earn someone’s affection — unlearning that wiring takes time.

But you can relearn.
You can heal.
You can teach your nervous system what real, healthy, grounded love feels like — slowly, gently, with help, and with practice.

And one day, you’ll no longer be drawn to the storm.
You’ll find peace in the calm.
And that… is the beginning of a whole new kind of love story — the one where you’re finally safe.

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