“I Don’t Remember That” — When Gaslighting Disguises Itself as Forgetfulness

Over seven years ago, I found myself at breaking point.
In France.
In tears.
In pain.
I went to someone I thought I could trust — someone who promised me, “You can come to me for help.”

She told me she would speak to him. That I wasn’t alone. That she saw me.

But when I brought it up recently — her response?
“I don’t remember you ever contacting me for help.”

And just like that, the truth was erased.
My pain? Denied.
My memory? Questioned.
My reality? Dismissed.

What followed over the past eight months has been astonishing — a maze of conflicting stories, contradictions, shifting narratives, and emotional manipulation that would leave anyone spinning.

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🧠 From a Psychological Lens:

This kind of behavior is gaslighting — and it is deeply damaging.

Gaslighting is the act of manipulating someone into doubting their own reality, memory, or perception. And when it comes from someone who claims to care, it is especially cruel.

In toxic family dynamics, especially during or after a divorce involving abuse, certain relatives take on a very specific role:
🔹 They minimize the abuse.
🔹 They rewrite history.
🔹 They claim to be neutral—while quietly supporting the abuser.
🔹 They deny conversations ever happened.

Why?
Because acknowledging the truth would force them to take a side.
And for many, keeping the peace (or maintaining control) is more important than protecting the victim.

But let’s be honest:
When someone says, “I don’t remember you asking me for help,”
when that conversation is seared into your memory,
when you remember the tone, the setting, even the weather…

That’s not forgetfulness.
That’s emotional betrayal.
That’s strategic denial.
That’s psychological self-protection at your expense.

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🔍 What It Looks Like in Real Time:

• You’re painted as “confused” or “dramatic.”
• Your experiences are treated like exaggerations.
• The abuser gets sympathy — and you get suspicion.
• You’re told to “move on,” while others continue their campaign of covert control.

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✋ Enough.

To everyone reading this who has been invalidated by someone who promised support:
You are not crazy.
You are not overreacting.
You remember exactly what happened — and their denial is part of the pattern.

These tactics are not accidental.
They are designed to protect the status quo, and in doing so, they protect the abuser — and silence the survivor.

But not anymore.

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💬 The Truth Stands:

I did ask for help.
You did say you would support me.
And now that the story no longer suits your version of events, you choose not to remember.

That’s not memory loss. That’s manipulation.
And that’s exactly why this cycle of abuse continues in families for generations.

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I will no longer be silent.
I will no longer rewrite history to make others comfortable.
And I will no longer question my truth to soothe someone else’s denial.

This post is for every person who was told, “That’s not how it happened.”
This is for every survivor who’s been gaslit by the people who claimed to love them.
This is for every truth-teller who’s been left to stand alone — until they found their voice.

#NotThePersonYouThinkTheyAre
#GaslightingIsAbuse
#CovertManipulation
#ToxicFamilyDynamics
#EmotionalAbuseAwareness
#SpeakYourTruth
#SurvivorStrong
#YouAreNotAlone
#TruthTeller
#ReclaimYourStory

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment