Sometimes, when you look back through old diaries, messages, or memories, the truth begins to unravel with brutal clarity. You start to see patterns that once felt like confusion. You realize the betrayal wasn’t sudden—it was calculated. A long game played behind smiles and shared beds. And in my case, I now know he had planned it for years, perhaps since the moment we moved to France.
What I once thought was a life built together was, in reality, a financial exercise—one designed to extract as much as he could from me. Cold. Methodical. Strategic. But if I’m honest, I shouldn’t be surprised. With him, everything was a transaction. Every relationship. Every decision. Every act of kindness came with a hidden invoice.
His motto? “Never do something for nothing.”
And yes, that included me—his wife.
He accused his first wife of hiding money years before their divorce. And now I see—he was merely projecting. That’s exactly what he was doing to me all along.
But here’s the difference between us:
He’s obsessed with money.
I am driven by truth.
I will survive not because of what I have, but because of who I am. Through sheer hard work, honesty, and integrity—qualities he could never comprehend—I will rise again. I’ve done it before. I will do it again.
He used to threaten me about money, thinking it was my Achilles’ heel. He believed it was the one thing that would break me.
But what he never understood—even after 32 years—is that I am not built on greed. I am not driven by fear.
And I do not crumble under pressure.
I transform.
đź’ˇ A Psychological Perspective: The Currency of Control
What this story highlights is a form of financial abuse—a subtle but deeply damaging form of manipulation that often accompanies emotional abuse. It’s not just about money; it’s about power and control. Abusers who engage in financial manipulation often do so under the guise of responsibility, generosity, or concern. But beneath the surface lies a darker intention: to weaken, destabilize, and create dependency.
Their goal is simple—control the resources, control the person.
They may:
- Monitor or restrict access to bank accounts
- Accuse their partner of financial dishonesty (while engaging in it themselves)
- Guilt or coerce them into financial decisions
- Undermine their confidence in managing money
- Use money as a weapon during and after the relationship
But here’s the truth: Financial abuse thrives in silence. It dies in awareness.
If you’ve been through something similar, know this:
Your worth is not defined by your bank balance.
You are resourceful, capable, and resilient.
And it is entirely possible to rebuild a life rooted in autonomy, integrity, and peace.
🔥 To Anyone Reading This…
If someone is using money to manipulate or control you—please know, you are not alone. These dynamics are more common than we talk about, but they are never acceptable.
And if you’re walking away from a life like this—whether you’re rebuilding from the ground up or simply finding your voice again—take this as proof that healing is possible.
You can survive.
You will thrive.
And one day, like me, you’ll look back and realize…
You were never the weak one.
You were just the honest one in a world of deception.
And that, dear soul, is your greatest power.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
