“Someone in the family knows people in Glasgow who can sort this.”
“He’s been to prison — he knows people who can handle things.”
These aren’t just casual comments.
These are coercive threats.
And if you’ve heard anything like this — you need to protect yourself.
🔍 Let’s Call It What It Is: Intimidation by Proxy
When abusers or their relatives invoke other people — especially those linked to violence, prison, or “street power” — it’s not an idle boast. It’s a tactic designed to scare, silence, and control. The message is clear:
👉 “If you don’t do what I want, you’ll suffer — and it won’t even be me who does it.”
This is called intimidation by proxy — using someone else’s reputation for danger to do the dirty work, while the abuser keeps their hands clean.
It’s not just manipulative. It’s abusive.
🧠 The Psychological Mindset Behind It
This kind of threat comes from someone who is losing power over you — and panicking. They are escalating because they can no longer control you with charm, guilt, or emotional blackmail. Now, they reach for fear.
They want you:
- Too scared to speak out.
- Too frozen to take action.
- Too intimidated to seek justice.
They know they’re crossing a line — but they do it anyway, because they believe fear will stop you in your tracks.
🛑 Don’t Brush It Off
You might hear your inner voice say:
- “Maybe they didn’t mean it.”
- “They were angry and just venting.”
- “They’d never actually do anything.”
But that voice might be trying to rationalize danger.
Threats — especially involving third-party violence — are not about intent alone. They’re about impact. And the impact is real: fear, isolation, stress, and the chilling sense that someone is watching.
🛡️ What You Must Do – Today:
1. Document Every Threat
- Write down what was said, when, and by whom.
- Save voice notes, text messages, emails — anything.
- Keep screenshots in a secure folder or cloud storage.
2. Report It
- Go to your local police or Guardia Civil (in Spain) and file a statement.
- Even if they can’t act immediately, it becomes part of a recorded pattern.
- Mention specific names if known — do not protect people who are threatening your safety.
3. Tell Someone
- Share what’s happening with a trusted friend, therapist, or advocate.
- The more eyes on the situation, the harder it is for threats to stay in the dark.
4. Secure Your Privacy
- Lock down social media. Remove location tags.
- Use aliases online if needed.
- Let local authorities know if you feel unsafe in your home — they may suggest personal safety measures or even relocation support in some cases.
5. Don’t Engage with the Threateners
- No arguments. No confrontation. No justifying yourself.
- Distance is protection.
💬 If They Say “We Know People Who Can Handle It” — You Handle It by Speaking Up
Abusers want silence. They want secrecy.
But silence is what keeps you unsafe — and keeps them powerful.
So speak.
Report.
Protect yourself.
And most of all — believe your instincts.
🧡 You Deserve to Feel Safe. You Deserve to Be Believed. You Deserve to Be Free.
There is strength in preparation.
There is power in speaking out.
There is healing in reclaiming your voice.
#CoerciveControl #IntimidationByProxy #DomesticAbuseAwareness #PsychologicalAbuse #AbuseRecovery #YouAreNotAlone #ProtectYourPeace #Gaslighting #OutOfControlAbuser #KnowTheSigns #SurvivorSupport #SafeNotSilent #TraumaAwareness
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
