At the start of my healing journey, my psychologist asked me to make a list—the pros and cons of staying or leaving the relationship I was in. I remember how panicked I felt. I was terrified of being alone, and even more terrified of having no money. But when I looked at what I had written, I felt shocked.
The only “pros” were not being alone and sharing the bills. That was it.
And yet, I was always alone. I had been living with someone who didn’t share my interests, my joys, or even my simple desire for connection. We didn’t watch movies together. We didn’t dance in the kitchen or cook meals side by side. There were no long walks, no silly singalongs, no cozy evenings just enjoying each other’s company.
Unless I agreed to do what he wanted to do—mainly fishing, which I never really liked—we did nothing together. And looking back now, I see the painful truth: if I hadn’t said yes to his interests, we would have had no connection at all. Because he made no effort to connect with me.
The hardest truth? He didn’t want me. He wanted my contribution—to the bills, to his comfort, to the illusion of a relationship. He wanted to maintain his lifestyle without having to work for it. My role was to fund it, to carry the emotional and financial weight, while slowly losing sight of myself.
But here’s the most incredible part: I am managing. More than that—I’m thriving.
Yes, there were months of fear and doubt. Yes, I had to rebuild my self-worth and learn how to stand strong on my own two feet. But now, I have peace. My money goes where I choose. My time is my own. And the loneliness I feared? It was already there—only now it’s been replaced by freedom.
For anyone reading this who feels trapped by fear—of being alone, of having no money, of starting over—I want you to know that clarity does come. You are not weak for having stayed. You are not foolish for having loved. But you deserve more. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is face the truth you already feel in your bones: that being alone in your own safe space is far better than being lonely in someone else’s idea of a life.
You are allowed to leave when the only thing keeping you there is fear.
You are allowed to choose you.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
