“How and why have you got a message from his sister? We advised you to block Paul and all his family. Why haven’t you done that?”

That sentence alone might sound like someone looking out for you. It carries a tone of concern—perhaps even protectiveness. But what happens when the very person who gives that advice is still engaging with those same people they told you to block?

What happens when their actions directly contradict their words?

You’re left in a swirl of confusion. Their messages don’t add up. And the emotional fallout of that hypocrisy can be just as damaging as the toxic relationship you were trying to escape.

Advice or Control?

Let’s start here: advice given in a healthy relationship comes with freedom. It says, “Here’s what I think may help you—take it or leave it. I’ll support you either way.”

But advice wrapped in judgment, pressure, and manipulation isn’t advice—it’s control. And when someone tells you who to block, who to cut off, how to think and feel—especially when they later betray their own words—it’s not protection, it’s power play.

You’re being told to live by a rule they don’t follow themselves. That’s not guidance. That’s control and hypocrisy.

The Double Standard of the Puppet Master

When someone tells you to block an ex and all their family, they are often positioning themselves as the wise one, the moral compass, the protector. But when that same person maintains contact, engages, or even acts warmly with those same people—they’re wearing a mask.

This double standard serves a deeper purpose: they want control over your choices, but not accountability for their own.

They may be keeping communication lines open for their own benefit—gathering information, staying involved, or playing both sides. Meanwhile, they judge you for not cutting ties fast or completely enough.

It’s emotional manipulation dressed up as concern.

The Impact on You

This kind of contradictory messaging can:

• Erode your trust—in others and in yourself.
• Trigger self-doubt—you begin to question your reality.
• Slow your healing—because you’re being pulled in multiple directions.
• Create guilt—as if you’ve failed by not obeying advice that wasn’t given in love.

It mimics the dynamics of the very relationship you may have escaped: one where the rules keep changing, where you’re held to standards others don’t live by, and where loyalty is demanded but not returned.

Why Do People Do This?

1. To maintain control – Telling you what to do reinforces their role as the “expert” in your life.
2. To manage their own image – They want to be seen as morally superior, while still enjoying the benefits of being connected to both sides.
3. To avoid accountability – It’s easier to criticize your choices than to confront their own contradictions.
4. To stir drama – For some, creating confusion keeps them relevant in your story.

What You Deserve Instead

You deserve people who speak truthfully and act consistently.
You deserve people who give you advice and also model that advice themselves.
You deserve people who support you because they love you—not because they need to control you.

Anyone who says, “Why haven’t you blocked them?” while keeping their own connections active is showing you who they are: someone who doesn’t walk their talk.

Taking Back Your Power

When messages don’t add up, it’s your inner truth that must become your compass. Not their words, not their judgment, not their manipulation masked as advice.

Ask yourself:

• Do I trust this person’s integrity?
• Do their actions match their words?
• Do I feel safe, or do I feel judged and controlled?
• Who am I becoming when I follow their lead?

It’s okay to choose your own boundaries. It’s okay to question those who call themselves allies but act like adversaries.

You are not obligated to follow guidance from someone who doesn’t live it themselves.

You are allowed to ask questions when things don’t make sense.

You are allowed to protect your peace—even from people who claim to be protecting you.

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