There’s a special kind of pain that comes not from strangers—but from family or partners who put money, power, and image above love, loyalty, and human connection.
In families, in marriages, even in shared businesses or blended households, money can become a tool of deception—not just externally, but internally too. People deceive others, yes, but they also deceive themselves. They tell themselves that “it’s fair,” that “you’re overreacting,” that “it’s not about money”—when deep down, it’s only about money. Or more precisely, the control that money affords them.
And when you begin to wake up to this dynamic? When you start seeing the head games, the mind twists, the financial gaslighting for what it really is? It can feel like someone just switched the lights on in a dark room you’d been living in for years.
🎭 Money as a Mask
In emotionally dysfunctional or abusive dynamics, money often becomes the mask—a tool for manipulation rather than mutual care. It shows up as:
- Secret accounts
- Withheld resources
- “Gifts” with strings attached
- Convenient memory lapses around promises
- Sudden generosity in front of others—but cold detachment behind closed doors
- Arguments not really about the bills—but about control, ego, and punishment
It’s financial manipulation, and in many cases, financial abuse.
In marriages, it’s often disguised as “traditional roles” or “practicality.” In families, it’s hidden behind inheritance disputes, guilt-tripping, or the illusion of shared responsibility.
But when someone values money more than relationship, truth becomes elastic. Conversations become confusing. Accountability vanishes. And love becomes transactional.
🧠 Psychological Mind Games: The “Head F*ckery”
Let’s name it: the mental gymnastics required to stay in these dynamics can make you question your own reality.
You begin to second-guess:
- “Maybe I’m being difficult.”
- “Maybe I am the selfish one.”
- “Maybe I am imagining things.”
But you’re not.
This is classic cognitive dissonance. When your values say, “Love and honesty matter,” but the person in front of you is saying, “Money matters more—and I’ll lie to your face if I have to.”
It’s a slow erosion of self. And it’s devastating.
🌈 The Freedom of Stepping Out
But here’s the truth I wish more people knew:
There is a quiet revolution that happens when you walk away from the performance. When you stop trying to please people who only see your worth in what you can give, earn, or provide.
When the fog lifts and you realise: You don’t need to play the game anymore.
You get to rebuild your life—your finances, your boundaries, your truth—on solid ground. You no longer trade your peace for temporary acceptance. You begin to live, not perform.
And here’s the part they can’t stand: Your joy threatens their illusion.
Abusers, manipulators, and financial narcissists hate to see their former “supply” smiling, thriving, free. Why? Because they can’t control what they can no longer reach. Your happiness becomes a mirror to their emptiness.
So when you laugh again…
When you sleep peacefully again…
When you book that trip, build that business, make that choice for you…
They seethe in silence. Because you reclaimed what they tried to take: your agency, your freedom, your self-worth.
💬 Final Thought:
If you’re navigating family or romantic dynamics where money is used as a form of control, you’re not crazy. You’re not difficult. You’re not alone.
You’re likely emotionally intelligent, intuitive, and deeply aware—and that’s why you feel what others pretend not to see.
Walking away may cost you financially, but the emotional wealth that comes with peace, freedom, and truth? That’s priceless.
#FinancialAbuse #EmotionalIntelligence #BoundariesAreWealth #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #ToxicFamilyDynamics #TruthTellers #TherapistThoughts #SurvivorWisdom #EmotionalFreedom #HealingIsWealth #AbuseAwareness
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
