And Why That Says Everything About Them — Not You
Have you ever wondered why you’re struggling to heal, replaying moments, grieving the loss, and trying to make sense of what happened —
while they have already “moved on” like you never existed?
They’re posting selfies, dating someone new, throwing on the charm like nothing ever happened.
It’s enough to make you question your own sanity. But here’s the truth — backed by psychology and neuroscience:
👉 They didn’t love the way you loved.
👉 They don’t hurt the way you hurt.
👉 And they don’t bond the way you bond.
Let’s unpack this from a trauma-informed lens.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Empathy and Bonding
Most people, especially those with secure attachments and healthy empathy, form deep emotional bonds in relationships.
These bonds are rooted in:
- Oxytocin — the “love hormone” that helps us feel close, safe, and connected.
- Mirror neurons — brain cells that help us tune into another person’s emotions and experiences.
- The ventromedial prefrontal cortex — involved in emotional regulation, guilt, compassion, and decision-making with empathy in mind.
But here’s the kicker:
In narcissistic and sociopathic individuals, these areas don’t function the same way.
Research shows:
- People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often exhibit reduced activity in brain areas related to empathy.
- Sociopaths (Antisocial Personality Disorder) show underactivity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and emotion center — meaning they often feel less guilt, fear, or attachment.
- These individuals may produce less oxytocin or may have a diminished ability to respond to it.
That’s why they can move on so easily. Their brains are wired differently.
Not better. Not stronger. Just differently. Often defensively, as a way to avoid vulnerability and emotional accountability.
🧠 Narcissists and Sociopaths: Transactional by Nature
Where you saw intimacy, connection, and meaning, they saw:
- Control
- Utility
- Image maintenance
- Supply
To narcissists and sociopaths, relationships are transactional.
They’re not about mutual love or growth — they’re about what they can get: admiration, attention, sex, status, money, control.
Once they’ve extracted what they wanted, or once you start setting boundaries, they may:
- Devalue you
- Discard you
- Replace you
And it can happen with chilling speed.
This is not a reflection of your worth — it’s a reflection of their emotional detachment.
🤯 Why You’re Still Hurting — and Why That’s Actually a Good Sign
If you’re still grieving, still processing, still feeling the ache of what happened — please understand this:
❤️ It means you’re capable of deep love.
🧠 It means your brain formed real bonds.
💔 It means you had empathy — and lost trust in someone who never deserved it.
While they jump from one person to the next, often repeating the same cycles of damage, you are growing, integrating, and healing.
You’re not broken for feeling. You’re human for caring.
🚩 If They’ve “Moved On” Quickly, That’s Not a Flex — It’s a Red Flag
They didn’t heal — they just replaced.
They didn’t reflect — they redirected.
They didn’t grow — they just found a new source of validation.
Moving on quickly isn’t always emotional maturity. Sometimes, it’s avoidance dressed up as confidence.
💡 In Closing: Empathy Hurts, But It Also Heals
Yes, it’s harder for you — because you felt it all.
You stayed loyal. You wanted it to work. You were real.
That’s your power — not your weakness.
So next time you wonder how they could “just move on,”
remember:
They didn’t.
They just shifted the spotlight.
The damage they cause still follows them — relationship after relationship.
But you? You’re healing. And healing lasts longer than a performance.
Let them “move on.” You’re moving forward.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
