Understanding from a Psychological and Neuroscience Perspective

By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate

In the realm of psychology and neuroscience, understanding the behaviors of someone who intentionally seeks to harm another mentally, emotionally, and even physically is crucial. Often, these individuals engage in abusive behaviors with the intention of breaking down their victim’s sense of self and control. It’s vital to understand what drives such individuals and how you can protect yourself from their destructive influence.

1. Psychological Profile of a Destructive Individual

At the heart of the person who wants to harm another is typically a deep-seated insecurity or unresolved trauma. This person might employ several tactics, including manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse, in an attempt to control and dominate the other person.

• Narcissistic Traits: Many of these individuals display characteristics consistent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They may have an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy, coupled with a need for control and validation. They may see others not as individuals with their own needs and rights, but as objects to manipulate for their benefit.
• Psychopathy or Sociopathy: In more severe cases, individuals may exhibit psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies. These people have a reduced capacity for empathy or remorse, which allows them to engage in harmful behaviors without guilt or concern for the victim’s well-being. They often see the world in black-and-white terms, with themselves at the top and others as expendable.
• Control as a Coping Mechanism: In many instances, the desire to dominate another stems from a need to feel in control due to an internalized feeling of powerlessness or inadequacy. By breaking down someone else, they feel a temporary sense of superiority or relief from their own emotional pain.

2. How This Affects the Brain: Neuroscience Behind the Manipulation

From a neurological standpoint, the abusive tactics employed by these individuals directly impact the victim’s brain. Repeated emotional and psychological trauma can cause lasting changes in brain function.

• Chronic Stress Response: The victim’s brain, particularly the amygdala (responsible for processing emotions like fear), is often in a constant state of activation. This leads to heightened anxiety, a hypervigilant state, and an inability to think clearly. Over time, the victim’s body is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol, which, when prolonged, can damage neurons in the hippocampus (responsible for memory and learning) and impair cognitive function.
• Cognitive Dissonance: The brain struggles to reconcile the contradictory emotions caused by an abuser’s manipulation. This is why the victim may doubt their own perception of reality, leading to confusion, diminished self-worth, and emotional dependency on the abuser.
• Neuroplasticity and Healing: On a more positive note, the brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it can heal and rewire itself after trauma. With time, proper therapy, and a supportive environment, victims can re-establish healthy neural connections, rebuilding their sense of self and resilience.

3. Strategies for Protection: How to Safeguard Your Mental, Emotional, and Physical Health

Protecting yourself from someone intent on destroying you, whether mentally, emotionally, or physically, is essential for your well-being. Here are several strategies grounded in psychological and neuroscientific principles:

1. Set Firm Boundaries

People who seek to control others thrive in environments where boundaries are weak. Establishing clear, non-negotiable boundaries helps protect your sense of self and prevents further manipulation. When someone crosses these boundaries, take decisive action to assert your limits and distance yourself from their influence.

2. Engage in Self-Awareness and Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness, meditation, and other grounding techniques can help you regain control over your own mind and emotions. These practices are shown to strengthen the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making, reasoning, and impulse control), enabling you to think more clearly and respond with calmness rather than react impulsively to provocation.

3. Seek Emotional Support from Safe People

Surround yourself with individuals who have your best interests at heart. Whether friends, family, or a support group, their affirming presence will reinforce your sense of reality and validate your feelings, counteracting the gaslighting and manipulation tactics used by the abuser.

4. Therapy and Professional Help

Psychological counseling or therapy can provide a safe space to process trauma and build resilience. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or trauma-informed therapy can help individuals reclaim their thoughts and break the cycle of self-doubt. Furthermore, if you’ve experienced long-term abuse, a therapist can assist you in addressing the neurological impact of prolonged stress.

5. Legal and Physical Protection

In cases where emotional and mental abuse escalate into physical threats, it’s important to know your legal rights. Contact authorities if you fear for your safety, and do not hesitate to reach out for legal protection, such as a restraining order or other means of safeguarding your well-being.

6. Build Emotional Resilience

Strengthening your emotional resilience helps you recover from stress and setbacks. This includes cultivating a mindset that embraces your inherent worth, independent of external validation. The more you affirm your value and capabilities, the less impact the abuser’s tactics will have.

7. Educate Yourself on Abuse Tactics

Understanding common manipulative tactics, like gaslighting, projection, and triangulation, can help you recognize when you’re being manipulated. The more you understand these behaviors, the less power they hold over you.

8. Practice Self-Care and Stress Reduction

Protecting your physical health is just as important as protecting your mental and emotional health. Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sleep hygiene can combat the effects of stress on the body. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace helps restore balance in your life.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with someone who wants to destroy you mentally, emotionally, or physically is a profound challenge. But by understanding the psychological and neurological impacts of such behavior and taking active steps to protect yourself, you can regain your sense of power and begin the journey toward healing.

Remember, your worth is not determined by someone else’s destructive intentions. You have the power to reclaim your life, your health, and your happiness. Empower yourself with knowledge, boundaries, and support, and take steps each day toward a safer, healthier future.

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment