When “Love” is Just Another Act: Recognizing the Patterns of Manipulation

Decent people show care, empathy, and understanding—especially when they haven’t seen someone in months. Decent people check in, ask about health, acknowledge hardships, and try to support rather than add to the pain. They don’t throw fuel on the fire, and they certainly don’t make everything about themselves.

But some people, no matter how much time passes, never change.

After six months of silence, the first thing he did wasn’t to ask how I was, how our beloved dog was doing, or to acknowledge any of the struggles I’ve faced. Instead, he immediately went into victim mode. The same tired old story. Poor me, poor little old me. No apologies, no accountability—just another round of self-pity, as if he was the only one who had suffered.

Then, predictably, came the messages:

[14/3/25, 09:21:33] Chris XXXXXX Chris, please tell Linda that I want us to get back together and start a new relationship. I am a completely changed person now. Only positive. Have had treatment and new medication. I am good, and hope she wants the same. I cannot call her because of my restriction. Many many thanks.

[14/3/25, 09:21:43] Chris XXXXXX Last one. Please tell her I still love her.

Does this sound like a man who truly loves his wife?

Love is not just words typed in desperation. Love is not suddenly appearing after months of silence, expecting to be welcomed back with open arms. Love is not ignoring someone’s pain, failing to check on their well-being, and making everything about you.

A decent person would have reached out long ago, not as an afterthought or when it suited them. A decent person would have acknowledged the damage they caused, rather than offering empty declarations of being a “changed person” with “new medication” as if that alone erases the past.

Some people never change—not because they can’t, but because they don’t truly want to.

Real love is shown in actions, not in last-minute pleas when all else has failed. And real love never comes from someone who only thinks of themselves.