What I Would Have Done Differently: Lessons from a Journey of Healing

Hindsight is a powerful thing. When we step away from toxic situations and gain clarity, we often see all the red flags we once ignored, the gut feelings we suppressed, and the choices we wish we had made differently. But rather than dwelling on regret, I choose to see these reflections as lessons—lessons that not only shape my future but can also serve as guidance for others who may find themselves in similar situations.

Here are the things I would have done differently:

1. Kept My Home – I fought so hard to buy my house, and looking back, I wish I had never sold it. It was mine, my safe space, and letting it go was one of the biggest mistakes I made.
2. Stayed in the UK and Continued Working – Keeping my career and building my private pension would have secured my financial independence. Leaving work made me vulnerable, something I now recognize as part of the control.
3. Kept My Son Close – I should never have let him convince me to send my son away. A mother should never have to choose between her partner and her child, and I regret ever letting someone influence that bond.
4. Never Moved to France With Him – That decision uprooted me from my life, my support system, and my independence. If I could turn back time, I would have stayed in the UK and built my life on my own terms.
5. Listened to My Gut When He Proposed – I hesitated before saying yes to marriage. That hesitation was my inner wisdom, warning me. I should have listened.
6. Kept Control Over My Finances – Allowing him access to my accounts and passwords gave him control he should have never had. I would have kept my financial independence and never given anyone the power to dictate my security.
7. Maintained My Relationships With Family and Friends – He isolated me, dictated when I could see my relatives, and created distance between me and my long-term supportive friends. If I could go back, I would never have let him come between me and the people who truly loved and cared for me.
8. Never Allowed Him to Control My Will and Testament – He tried to dictate who should and shouldn’t be in my will, as if my life and legacy belonged to him. I would have stood my ground and ensured my wishes were my own.
9. Refused to Accept Abuse and Bullying – The manipulation, the cruelty, the constant control—I wish I had recognized it sooner and walked away before it ever had the chance to take root in my life.
10. Said ‘No’ More Often – So many moments where I felt pressured, where I ignored my own needs to please him, where I let fear guide my choices. If I could go back, I would have said “No” and meant it.

The list could go on, but these are the biggest lessons I take forward. Not as regrets, but as powerful reminders. I know now that my voice matters, my choices matter, and no one has the right to take my autonomy away from me.

For anyone reading this who feels trapped in a similar situation—listen to your gut, hold onto your independence, and never let someone else dictate your life. Your freedom, your happiness, and your peace are worth fighting for.

And for me, as I move forward from this chapter, I choose to turn these lessons into strength. I cannot change the past, but I can take full control of my future. A future filled with peace, freedom, and the unwavering knowledge that I will never let this happen again.