This Is Not Love: A Tactic of Control, Punishment, and Abuse

Love is not meant to feel like betrayal, manipulation, and financial devastation. Yet, when an abusive partner senses they are losing control, they often unleash a relentless campaign of punishment disguised as heartbreak. If you have experienced the following, know this: this is not love.

Manipulating Family and Relationships

A person who genuinely loves you does not turn your family—especially children you have known for decades—against you. If someone is actively working to poison your relationships, it is not love. It is an attempt to isolate you, to make you feel alone and unsupported. Abusers know that by cutting off your emotional support system, they weaken your ability to fight back.

Financial Abuse and Desertion

Leaving a partner with debts they did not incur—such as health insurance, house maintenance, and utility bills—is not love. It is financial abuse. It is an intentional strategy to cause hardship, distress, and instability. Love does not sabotage your ability to take care of yourself. Someone who truly cares would not leave you drowning in financial obligations just to punish you for moving on.

Secretly Changing Wills and Assets

A person who loves you does not secretly alter their will to cut you off or leave you in financial ruin. This act is not about protecting their own interests—it is about revenge. Keeping such changes a secret until it is too late only confirms their malicious intent. Love does not seek to punish; love does not seek to deceive.

Technological and Personal Invasion

Wiping your computer, changing alarm codes, withholding your car key, and stealing your mail are clear violations of personal and legal boundaries. These are acts of control, designed to strip you of independence and make you feel helpless. Love does not seek to lock you out of your own life. Love does not erase your digital existence or rob you of basic access to what is rightfully yours.

Financial Sabotage and Control

Blocking your bank cards is a direct attack on your ability to survive. It is a calculated move to leave you without access to your own money, forcing dependence or suffering. True love would never take away your financial security just to cause you pain.

The Lies, the Excuses, the Fake Remorse

These behaviors often come with a flurry of contradictory actions—first the abuser claims they have a new partner, then they claim they are dying, then they promise they have miraculously changed. These are nothing more than manipulative tactics designed to confuse you and keep you emotionally entangled. Love does not lie. Love does not deceive. Love does not use guilt as a weapon.

What This Really Is: A Pattern of Abuse

This is not a desperate act of love—it is a calculated act of control. The goal is to make you suffer, to make you doubt yourself, and to make you feel like you have no choice but to return. But you do have a choice. You can walk away, see these actions for what they truly are, and reclaim your life.

Moving Forward: Taking Back Your Power

1. Document Everything: Keep records of debts, changes to assets, tampering with mail, and technological interference.
2. Seek Legal Advice: Many of these actions are not just unethical; they may be illegal. Consult a professional who can help you protect your rights.
3. Strengthen Your Support System: Reconnect with those who truly love you and want to see you thrive.
4. Stay Focused on Your Healing: This is a painful chapter, but it is only a chapter—not your whole story. You have the strength to move forward.

Final Thought

If someone truly loves you, they do not destroy you. They do not seek to ruin your relationships, finances, or emotional well-being. They do not play games with your stability and security. Love nurtures, supports, and respects. Everything else? It’s control, and it’s time to break free.