This message from the abuser’s sister is another classic example of manipulation and gaslighting. It attempts to frame the abuser as the real victim while subtly discrediting the person seeking justice. Let’s break it down.
Breaking Down the Message
- “Just so so sad and disappointed about this latest development”
- This opening sets a tone of guilt and shame. It suggests that taking action against the abuser is a tragicevent, rather than an act of accountability.
- The phrase “so so sad” exaggerates emotion, implying the victim is causing unnecessary pain by standing up for themselves.
- “Especially as XXXX always spoke so highly of both you and Martin”
- This is manipulative flattery—reminding the recipient that the abuser used to say nice things about them.
- It subtly implies betrayal: How could you do this to someone who respected you?
- “Fortunately, XXXX is in such a good place both mentally and personally now so no harm done”
- This is a gaslighting tactic. It dismisses any wrongdoing by implying that the abuser is doing well, so the victim’s pain doesn’t matter.
- It suggests that since the abuser has “moved on,” the victim should too—completely ignoring any trauma or damage caused.
- “Obviously no need to reply”
- This is a power move—a way to shut down any response or pushback.
- It implies: I’m saying my piece, and you don’t get a say. This is a classic dismissal of the victim’s voice.
- “With best wishes”
- A fake, passive-aggressive closing line that pretends to be civil while ignoring the real harm caused.
What’s Really Happening?
Messages like this aren’t about concern—they’re about:
🔹 Shaming the victim into silence.
🔹 Protecting the abuser’s image by portraying them as happy and thriving.
🔹 Minimizing the abuse as if it’s no longer relevant.
🔹 Closing the conversation before the victim can respond.
How to Respond (or Not Respond)
You do NOT need to engage with this message. If you feel compelled to reply, here are some ways to handle it:
👉 Silence is Strength
- Simply ignore it. The sister has made it clear she isn’t interested in the truth—just damage control.
👉 Call Out the Manipulation (If You Choose To)
- “I find it interesting that my well-being isn’t mentioned at all.”
- “Abuse doesn’t disappear just because the abuser is doing well.”
👉 Set a Clear Boundary
- “Please don’t contact me again about this matter.”
Final Thoughts
This message is not about concern—it’s about control. It’s an attempt to rewrite the narrative, dismiss the past, and pressure the victim into feeling guilty. Don’t fall for it. The truth remains, no matter how much they try to silence it.
