If the victim inquires whether the abuser has gone through therapy in the context of fear that the restraining order might be lifted if they return to the house, this indicates a very important concern about safety, accountability, and the potential for the abuser to manipulate the legal system. Here are a few key points to understand in this situation:
1. Therapy is Not a Guarantee of Change
Therapy can be a valuable tool for anyone looking to address harmful behavior, but it is not a guarantee that an abuser will change. Abusers may attend therapy for various reasons, and sometimes they may not genuinely engage in the process or may not acknowledge their harmful behaviors. Some abusers may attend therapy simply to check off a box or try to manipulate the system in hopes of having legal restrictions lifted. Therapy should never be seen as an automatic “fix” for abusive behavior, especially if the person has not demonstrated consistent, genuine efforts toward change, accountability, and self-reflection.
2. Impact of Therapy on Legal Decisions
While a restraining order can be lifted or modified by the court, it’s important to understand that the primary focus of the legal system is the safety and well-being of the victim. The court will not automatically lift the order just because the abuser attends therapy. The court will typically require clear evidence of meaningful, sustained change in the abuser’s behavior, and this is not solely determined by attending therapy. The abuser’s history of violence, the nature of the restraining order, and the threat they pose to the victim are all key factors that will influence any decisions about modifying or lifting the order.
If the victim expresses concern about the restraining order being lifted due to the abuser’s attendance at therapy, they should communicate these concerns with the court or their legal advisor. The victim’s safety and the likelihood of further harm will be top priorities in the court’s decision-making process.
3. Safety Comes First
The victim’s safety should always be the top priority in any situation involving an abuser. If there is any fear or uncertainty about the abuser’s intentions, including concerns about the abuser returning to the home, it’s critical that the victim discuss these concerns with their lawyer, support network, or domestic violence advocate. If the victim is worried that the abuser might use therapy as a way to manipulate the situation, these concerns should be taken seriously by the legal system. A therapist’s role is to help the abuser understand their behavior and work on change, but it is not to guarantee that they are “cured” or ready to reintegrate into a harmful environment.
4. Court’s Role in Determining Safety
The court will consider all relevant factors, including the abuser’s behavior, the victim’s safety, and any progress made by the abuser in therapy. If the abuser has a history of violence, particularly something as serious as strangulation or other forms of physical harm, the court is likely to take a cautious approach. The mere attendance in therapy will not likely outweigh concerns about the victim’s safety. If there is even the slightest risk that lifting the restraining order could endanger the victim, the court will prioritize the victim’s protection.
5. Communication and Documentation
The victim should keep a record of any communication regarding the abuser’s behavior, therapy attendance, and any other relevant developments. If there is concern that the abuser is attempting to manipulate the situation, this documentation will be important to present to the court. If the victim is not comfortable or is unsure about how to address these issues, it’s essential to consult with an attorney who specializes in domestic violence or a domestic violence advocate. They can help ensure that the victim’s concerns are taken seriously and that the court is fully aware of the ongoing risks.
6. Therapy as Part of Accountability
Therapy can be part of a process of accountability, but it should not be seen as a free pass for the abuser to have restrictions lifted. Real change takes time, and consistent effort from the abuser is required to prove that they are no longer a threat. An abuser must show that they are taking full responsibility for their actions, have a clear understanding of the harm they caused, and are actively working toward behavior change—something that goes far beyond just attending therapy.
7. Victim’s Voice in the Process
It’s also important for the victim to understand that they have a voice in the legal process. If the abuser attempts to return to the home or requests that the restraining order be lifted, the victim can express their concerns to the court. Their fear, particularly if they believe the abuser has not made sufficient progress or poses an ongoing risk, will be considered in any legal proceedings.
In summary, if the victim is concerned that the restraining order might be lifted due to the abuser’s attendance in therapy, it’s important for them to express these concerns clearly with their attorney or the court. Therapy alone is not sufficient evidence of change, and the court will weigh all factors—including the abuser’s history, the risk they pose, and the victim’s safety—before making any decisions about lifting or modifying the restraining order. The safety of the victim should always be the court’s foremost concern, and the victim’s fears should be taken seriously in this process.
