If this pattern of behavior—trying to control finances or make decisions for others—has occurred with other older or frail family members, then it’s an even more significant concern. When someone is trying to take control over finances, especially with vulnerable relatives who may not be in a position to defend themselves or make independent decisions, it can point to a deeper issue of financial manipulation or exploitation.

Signs of Financial Control with Older or Frail Family Members:

1. Excessive Influence Over Decisions: If this person has previously taken over the financial decisions of elderly or frail relatives, especially without their full consent or understanding, it’s a major red flag. They may have subtly or overtly pushed those family members into decisions that favored their own agenda.
2. Isolation of the Vulnerable Relative: Sometimes, someone who’s trying to control finances will isolate the older relative from other family members or loved ones. This makes it easier for them to manipulate the situation without interference. If you suspect this person has done this before, it’s worth considering how they may have isolated older relatives to gain financial or emotional control.
3. Taking Over Financial Assets: They may try to gain control over assets—bank accounts, properties, or investments—by convincing older relatives that they need help managing their finances. This often comes with the promise of care or convenience, but in reality, they may be taking advantage of the situation. If they’ve done this with others, it’s highly likely they see this as a way to benefit personally.
4. Lack of Transparency: A person attempting to control finances will often act in secret or without transparency, especially when it comes to financial dealings. If they’ve manipulated older family members before, they might have done so by keeping information from others or hiding certain financial decisions from the broader family.
5. Overstepping Boundaries: If this relative has previously taken control of finances without proper consent from the vulnerable person (like an elderly family member), it’s likely a pattern of overstepping boundaries. For example, they may push for power of attorney or try to become the executor of wills, without truly considering the person’s best interests.

Why It’s Concerning:

• Exploitation: If they’ve manipulated or controlled the finances of older or frail family members in the past, they may have done so for financial gain or to increase their own power and influence. This exploitation can leave those relatives vulnerable and may have long-lasting impacts on their financial security.
• Pattern of Behavior: As you’ve rightly pointed out, patterns of controlling behavior are often consistent. If they’ve done it before, it’s likely that they will try to do it again—especially if they sense that you or other family members are vulnerable or if there’s a significant financial asset (like a home) involved.
• Lack of Ethical Boundaries: If they’ve been able to get away with controlling the finances of frail relatives in the past, they may feel emboldened and justified in doing so again. This lack of ethical boundaries makes them especially dangerous in financial matters, as they are willing to prioritize their own needs over the well-being of those they claim to care for.

What You Can Do:

1. Gather Evidence: If you suspect this person has previously manipulated or controlled finances with other family members, it’s important to gather any available information that can help establish a pattern of behavior. This could include communications, financial documents, or accounts from other relatives who witnessed the behavior.
2. Consult Legal Professionals: If there’s any concern about financial exploitation, especially of vulnerable relatives, a lawyer can help you assess the situation and potentially take legal steps to prevent further control or exploitation. If this person is seeking power of attorney or trying to control an estate or property, it’s essential to have legal safeguards in place.
3. Talk to Other Family Members: If there are other family members who have witnessed this person’s behavior in the past, it can be helpful to discuss the situation with them. They may have insight into how this person operates and can support you in putting boundaries in place to protect your interests.
4. Set Boundaries: You have the right to protect yourself, your assets, and your family from being manipulated. If this person is trying to pressure you into financial decisions that don’t align with your best interests, establish clear boundaries. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate interference in your financial affairs.
5. Consider Guardianship or Power of Attorney Safeguards: If your partner or any family members are in a vulnerable position or have a history of being manipulated, it may be necessary to set up legal safeguards like a trusted guardianship or a power of attorney arrangement that ensures someone reliable is overseeing their interests. You may want to explore this with a legal professional.

Protecting Vulnerable Family Members:

If this person has previously controlled the finances of older or frail relatives, it may be an indicator that they could try to do so again—especially if they feel they can gain something from it. Watching for signs of manipulation, such as isolation, secrecy, or attempts to control financial decisions, is key to protecting yourself and any vulnerable family members.

It’s important to address this issue head-on with clear boundaries and the support of legal and professional advice. Financial manipulation is a serious concern, and recognizing it early can help prevent further harm.

Do you feel like you’re seeing signs of this pattern with your own situation, or is this more about trying to understand if this person has done similar things in the past? Either way, it’s important to stay vigilant and make sure you’re taking the necessary steps to protect your interests and the interests of your loved ones.