When an ex-husband with a restraining order comes up and stares at you for an extended period without speaking, it can be understood through several psychological lenses. This behavior may be a deliberate attempt to exert power and control, even without verbal communication. Here are some psychological perspectives that might explain this behavior:

1. Nonverbal Intimidation and Passive Aggression

• Silent Dominance:
  Extended staring can serve as a form of nonverbal intimidation. It’s a way of asserting presence and dominance without having to articulate words. The prolonged gaze might be intended to make you feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, or constantly under scrutiny.
• Passive Aggressive Tactics:
  Instead of engaging in overt aggression, some individuals use passive behaviors—like an unyielding stare—to convey disapproval, anger, or control. This indirect method can be particularly unsettling because it leaves you guessing about his intentions, which in turn can heighten your anxiety.

2. Need for Control and Unresolved Power Dynamics

• Assertion of Control:
  Abusive dynamics often revolve around control. Even if a restraining order legally limits his interactions with you, his behavior could be an unconscious or deliberate way of reminding you—and perhaps himself—that he still feels in control. By simply staring, he might be trying to assert a sense of authority or dominance over you.
• Unresolved Conflict:
  The extended, silent gaze might also reflect unresolved feelings or a need to process the loss of the relationship on his own terms. This behavior can be a manifestation of his internal struggle with the separation and his inability to accept the new boundaries set by the restraining order.

3. Psychological Projection and Identity Issues

• Projection of Emotions:
  Sometimes, a prolonged stare can be a way of projecting internal feelings of anger, betrayal, or loss. Without expressing these emotions verbally, the act of staring might serve as a nonverbal outlet for what he is unable—or unwilling—to articulate.
• Self-Validation:
  For some individuals, especially those with narcissistic traits, even the act of silently watching their former partner can be a way to reaffirm their self-importance. By expecting a reaction, they seek validation of their continued relevance, even in a situation where legal boundaries are meant to sever such influence.

In Summary

The behavior of an ex-husband who violates a restraining order by silently staring can be seen as a multifaceted form of nonverbal harassment. It embodies elements of intimidation, a need for control, and unresolved personal issues. While it might be tempting to read specific intent behind each gaze, the overarching psychological reasoning is often rooted in a desire to maintain power, provoke emotional discomfort, and manage internal conflicts without direct confrontation.

If this behavior continues to cause distress or poses a threat to your sense of safety, it might be helpful to document the incidents and consult with a legal professional or a therapist who can offer guidance on coping strategies and how to protect your well-being.