Life has a way of teaching us lessons—sometimes the hard way. For those who have endured relationships with manipulative and controlling individuals, the scars run deep, but so does the wisdom that follows. If there’s one lesson to be learned, it’s this: do your homework, research their history, and always keep your finances secure.

It’s all too common to hear, “If only I had known then what I know now.” Many of us have been there. We enter relationships with open hearts, believing in the best of someone, only to realize—often too late—that we were entangled with a person who thrives on deception, control, and financial exploitation. Unfortunately, the truth about their past often surfaces after the commitment is made, when the damage has already been done.

I was no exception. The reality of my ex’s past behaviors only became clear after the marriage. By then, I was already ensnared in a web of manipulation, deceit, and financial control. The warning signs had been there, but without prior knowledge of his history, I—like so many others—trusted in good faith. Looking back, I wish I had been armed with the information that surfaced later. It would have saved me from emotional and financial turmoil.

But here’s the good news: I got out. I reclaimed my life. And with that experience comes the responsibility to warn others.

So, if you’re entering a serious relationship, take these precautions:

1. Do Your Research – Speak to people who have known them long before you. If multiple people warn you about the same behaviors, take it seriously.
2. Protect Your Finances – Never merge assets too quickly. Keep your money in a safe place, and ensure you maintain financial independence.
3. Observe Patterns – Manipulators often follow a cycle: love-bombing, control, emotional abuse, and discarding. If you notice these red flags, don’t ignore them.
4. Trust Your Gut – If something feels off, it probably is. Your intuition is a powerful tool—listen to it.
5. Seek Professional Advice – If you’re uncertain, speak to a lawyer or financial advisor before making any major commitments.

I now live with clarity and peace, knowing that I have removed toxic people from my life. Toxic creates toxic—and I refuse to let that cycle continue.

As for him? Well, God help the next poor soul he meets. I can only hope they do their homework, research his history, and ensure their money is well protected. Because once you’re in too deep, getting out is far harder than walking away before it begins.

To anyone reading this—protect yourself, trust your instincts, and never allow anyone to manipulate your life.You deserve love, respect, and security. Never settle for anything less.