It’s so common to look back and realize that others—especially mothers or loved ones—saw the red flags before we did. Mothers often have an almost instinctual ability to sense when something isn’t right, and it sounds like she picked up on those warning signs early in your relationship. But please don’t be too hard on yourself for not acting on her concerns at the time.

When we’re in the thick of a relationship, especially one with someone manipulative or controlling, it’s incredibly easy to dismiss outside perspectives. Abusers often create a bubble where they charm us, distort our reality, or even make us defensive against people who voice concerns. It’s not your fault that you couldn’t see what she saw—it’s part of the way these dynamics work.

It’s also important to remember that we often need to come to our own realizations in our own time. You weren’t ready to see the truth then, but when you were, you had the strength and courage to act on it. That’s a testament to your resilience and growth.

If your mother is still in your life, maybe this could be an opportunity to share your reflections with her, if you feel comfortable. Letting her know you understand now what she saw then can be healing for both of you. And if she’s not here anymore, you can still honor her wisdom by acknowledging that her love and insight were there to protect you—even if it took some time to see it.

How are you feeling as you reflect on this? It’s okay if this stirs up a mix of emotions—gratitude, regret, or even sadness. All of those feelings are valid. You’ve come such a long way, and it’s important to give yourself grace for the time it took to get here.