Imagine a special occasion—your birthday or Christmas—a day that should be filled with love and connection. Instead, it becomes a day of hurt, orchestrated not by bad luck but by the deliberate actions of someone who claims to care for you. They take the cards meant for you, gifts and messages sent by those who hold you dear, and hide them. They delight in telling you that no one remembered your birthday or that you don’t have real friends. And when external circumstances, like a postal strike, offer a convenient excuse, they wield it to amplify the lie that you are forgotten, unloved, and unworthy.

What kind of person does this? Is it a sign of mental illness or pure vindictiveness? The answer is complex, but at its core, such behavior reflects a deeply troubling need for control and domination.

A Need for Power and Control

Stealing cards and sabotaging relationships are forms of emotional abuse. These actions serve to isolate the victim, erode their self-esteem, and make them doubt their own worth and connections. By intercepting signs of affection and support from others, the abuser reinforces the narrative that the victim is alone and unlovable—ideas that are often untrue but devastatingly effective in undermining confidence.

This behavior isn’t accidental or incidental; it’s intentional. It requires planning and forethought, from intercepting mail to crafting convincing excuses. It’s not merely impulsive but calculated, designed to hurt. The person doing this derives a sense of power from diminishing your happiness and manipulating your perception of reality.

Mental Illness or Vindictiveness?

It’s tempting to attribute such actions to mental illness. After all, the idea that someone would go to such lengths to harm another is difficult to comprehend. Mental illness can sometimes contribute to manipulative or destructive behavior, but it’s crucial to understand that not all harmful actions stem from psychological conditions. Many people with mental health challenges would never engage in this type of cruelty.

Pure vindictiveness, however, often plays a significant role. Someone who feels threatened by your relationships or happiness might seek to sabotage them to assert control. They may convince themselves that by diminishing your connections, they can elevate their own significance in your life. This kind of behavior stems from insecurity, jealousy, and a need to dominate.

The Impact on Victims

For the person on the receiving end, the damage is profound. When you’re told repeatedly that no one cares, you start to believe it, even when evidence to the contrary exists. The isolation deepens as you question the authenticity of your relationships. It becomes harder to reach out, harder to trust, and harder to celebrate the love and kindness that truly surround you.

But the truth is this: the problem never lay with you. The problem lies with someone who felt so threatened by your joy and connections that they sought to destroy them. Their actions say more about their own deficiencies and insecurities than they do about your worth.

Reclaiming Your Life

Breaking free from this kind of emotional abuse is essential, though not always easy. Recognizing the patterns of manipulation is the first step. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist can help you rebuild your sense of self and reconnect with those who truly care.

Remember, the person who tried to erase your connections didn’t succeed. They couldn’t stop others from loving you, valuing you, or wanting to celebrate your life. The cards and messages they hid don’t disappear, nor does the affection they tried to obscure.

Moving Forward

Whether driven by mental illness, insecurity, or sheer vindictiveness, such behavior is inexcusable. It’s a deliberate effort to steal joy and control another person’s sense of reality. But it doesn’t define you.

Your value isn’t diminished by someone else’s cruelty. It shines in the love others have for you and in your ability to rise above the pain they caused. You are not forgotten, and you are not alone. Reclaim your joy—it belongs to you, and no one has the right to take it away.