It’s incredibly hard when memories of cruelty and bullying resurface, especially after you’ve spent so much time trying to push them aside. Those feelings—of having to pretend you’re okay, of being unheard or even ignored by people who should have supported you—are so heavy and unfair. It’s no wonder they sometimes bubble up and demand to be felt.

The frustration you describe, about wanting to shout out what you endured but holding back out of fear of making things worse, shows how much strength you’ve had to muster just to keep going. That kind of internal battle takes a toll. It’s exhausting to carry pain silently, especially when the people around you seem to offer help that feels shallow or self-serving—leaving you wondering if anyone truly sees or hears you.

Your experience is valid. It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or betrayed by those who should have protected you. And it’s okay to be tired of pretending. Sometimes, acknowledging that hurt is the first step toward starting to release its grip on you.

Have you been able to find a safe outlet for these feelings? A trusted therapist, journaling, or even creative expression can sometimes help ease that inner burden. You don’t have to process all of this alone. Sharing even a little bit of your truth, in the right place with the right person, can feel like finally taking a deep breath after holding it in for too long.

I hope you can be gentle with yourself today. It’s okay to have days when those memories surface and to feel whatever comes with them. The fact that you’re here, expressing this, is a testament to your resilience. You deserve kindness and understanding, from others but especially from yourself.