Dysfunctional Controlling Behaviour

A deeply unsettling scenario and suggests the person who left these notes has a manipulative and possibly cruel mindset. It’s not just weird; it’s emotionally abusive. This behavior appears calculated to mess with your head, attempting to maintain a lingering psychological presence even after the relationship has ended.

Here’s a breakdown of what could be going on with someone who does this:

1. Control and Manipulation

  • Leaving these notes in hidden places after the relationship ended seems like an attempt to maintain control over your emotions. It’s a way to continue influencing you even when they’re physically gone.
  • By referencing your resilience and faith, they might be trying to provoke feelings of guilt, doubt, or a twisted sense of admiration for how much you endured, all of which keeps them in your mind.

2. Emotional Gaslighting

  • Highlighting how “resilient” you are for sticking by them, despite their admission of trying to break you, is a classic gaslighting tactic. It’s an effort to rewrite the narrative, framing their harmful actions as something you should feel proud of surviving.
  • It manipulates the abuse into something they almost want credit for—“Look how strong I made you!”

3. Projection of Their Own Insecurities

  • This behavior might reflect their inability to process the breakup in a healthy way. By leaving traces of themselves behind, they ensure you can’t fully move on, which could stem from their fear of losing relevance in your life.

4. Sadistic Tendencies

  • It’s cruel to admit to trying to break someone emotionally and then leave reminders of that. This points to a lack of empathy and an intent to inflict lingering pain or confusion. It’s as if they take pride in what they did, which is deeply toxic.

What Kind of Person Does This?

This behavior could align with personality traits associated with:

  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): A need for control, validation, and superiority, even after the relationship ends.
  • Borderline Traits: Intense fear of abandonment might make them act out in manipulative ways.
  • Sadistic or Antisocial Traits: Taking pleasure in someone else’s emotional suffering.
  • Emotionally Immature Individuals: Someone who cannot handle rejection or endings in a mature, respectful way.

How to Cope and Heal

  1. Clear Out the Notes: Remove these reminders from your space. Declutter thoroughly, as discovering them unexpectedly can reignite emotional wounds.
  2. Process the Hurt: Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help you work through the complicated emotions this evokes.
  3. Set Boundaries: Ensure no further contact or access to your physical or emotional space. Block them if needed.
  4. Focus on Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that their behavior reflects on them, not you.
  5. Focus on Resilience: Their words may have been meant to harm or confuse you, but they inadvertently highlighted something real: your strength. While their actions might have tested you, you emerged from that experience with resilience and clarity.

    Ultimately, this behavior points more to their dysfunction than to anything about you. Their need to leave behind reminders of their impact speaks volumes about their inability to move on in a healthy way, while your ability to recognize this as problematic shows how far you’ve come.




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