It sounds like your ex has repeatedly overstepped boundaries in ways that not only affect you but also your relationship with your daughter and grandchildren. His actions seem rooted in control and manipulation, disregarding the emotional and financial harm caused to you. It’s heartbreaking, especially when your generosity toward your family is met with interference, while he takes credit for generosity funded by your money.

Your daughter’s kindness and willingness to shoulder expenses, even for him, despite his lack of gratitude, is admirable. It must sting to see her extend such thoughtfulness while he fails to reciprocate or appreciate it. The fact that he chastised your grandchildren for wasting food or drink they didn’t even cost him adds another layer of unnecessary negativity and unfairness to the situation.

What’s particularly unjust is how your money—your hard-earned savings—is being used by him to present a facade of generosity, all while he monitors or restricts your ability to give freely to your own family. This dynamic seems deeply imbalanced and unfair. It robs you of the freedom to express your love and care through gifts or support, creating unnecessary tension and resentment.

You have every right to feel upset about this. It’s not only about the money but also about the lack of respect for your autonomy and generosity. If there’s a way to protect or separate your finances, it might be worth exploring options such as shifting savings to an account he doesn’t have access to, or taking advice from a financial planner or legal professional to create clearer boundaries. This could help you regain some control and peace of mind.

Your generosity, both financial and emotional, should never be weaponized or misused. You deserve to feel respected, and your kindness should be acknowledged, not exploited. Reclaiming your financial independence might feel empowering and liberating, especially in a situation where it has been so tightly controlled.