When someone uses financial leverage to control, intimidate, or coerce you, it’s a serious issue that goes beyond money—it’s a form of manipulation and can be emotionally damaging. If a partner is behaving like a financial “leech and bully,” using resources to pressure you or threatening to drain your finances as a consequence for not complying, it’s essential to recognize this as financial abuse. Here are some steps and strategies to protect yourself and regain control:
1. Acknowledge Financial Abuse for What It Is
Financial abuse often sneaks up in subtle ways but becomes more overt when one partner exerts control by threatening your financial security. Recognizing that these behaviors are abusive—not simply inconsiderate or self-centered—can help you approach this situation with the seriousness it deserves. Coercive control tactics, including threats of financial devastation, are clear signs of an imbalance of power that no one should have to endure.
2. Separate and Protect Your Assets
If you’re in a position to separate your finances, it’s a good time to take that step. Consider transferring funds into an individual account where you have sole control, especially any retirement or personal savings that could be at risk. Many financial institutions offer ways to freeze or protect accounts if you fear they may be accessed without your permission.
If you’re married or in a legally recognized partnership, knowing your rights regarding joint accounts and assets is critical. Each state or country has different laws, but generally, assets acquired before the relationship, or under a personal account, are easier to safeguard.
3. Document Everything
Keep a record of financial interactions, particularly if there have been threats, coercive tactics, or attempts to drain accounts. Save copies of bank statements, transaction records, and any communications that show evidence of financial bullying. This documentation can be invaluable if you need to take legal action to protect your assets or secure financial support.
4. Seek Legal Guidance
Consulting with a financial or family lawyer can provide clarity on how to protect your assets in your specific situation. Legal counsel can also guide you on steps you can take to prevent unauthorized access to your funds and help you understand your options if you decide to exit the relationship. Legal assistance can be particularly helpful in cases where there are joint assets, as a lawyer can help you separate your finances in a way that minimizes risk.
5. Set and Reinforce Boundaries
If leaving the relationship isn’t an immediate option, establishing clear boundaries around your finances is essential. Let your partner know that decisions about your assets are yours to make. Insist on an arrangement that respects your right to manage your own money and prevents any single person from controlling the full picture of your finances. The financial boundary may also be practical, like refusing to participate in shared accounts, investments, or loans if they aren’t genuinely mutual.
6. Create a Safety Net
Financial bullies often aim to make you feel isolated or dependent, so finding ways to build a safety net can restore some of your autonomy. Consider setting aside a private emergency fund, even if you have to start small. This fund can provide peace of mind and a buffer should you need financial independence down the road. If possible, discreetly gather important financial documents, account numbers, and records of shared debts or assets and store them in a secure place.
7. Build a Support Network
Abusers, especially financial bullies, often try to isolate their partners to maintain control. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or even a support group can break that isolation and remind you that you’re not alone in facing this. Confiding in someone you trust or speaking with a counselor can provide emotional support and often open up additional resources for navigating financial abuse.
8. Explore Resources for Financial Abuse
Many organizations offer resources and advice for those experiencing financial abuse, including hotlines, counseling, and financial support programs. Knowing there’s help available can be empowering and provide you with options you might not have considered. Organizations focused on domestic violence often include resources specific to financial abuse, which can help you create a personalized plan for your safety and financial security.
9. Reclaim Your Financial Power
The ultimate goal is to regain your autonomy and confidence in managing your own finances. Whether through education, professional advice, or simply reestablishing control over your assets, reclaiming this power can help you feel secure and self-assured. No one has the right to intimidate or control you through money, and taking even small steps toward reclaiming that power can be incredibly freeing.
Moving Forward
Financial bullying is an intense and difficult experience, but you deserve to live without the threat of being financially “wiped out.” Prioritizing your financial security and independence, and reaching out for professional and emotional support, can set you on a path to reclaiming control over your life and resources. Financial autonomy is your right, and no one should have the power to take it away.
