This is one of the most important questions in recovery — and neuroscience gives a clear, compassionate answer that is very different from cultural pressure to “move on”. I’ll speak directly to you, not in generic advice. The short answer (grounded in neuroscience) After decades of abuse, the nervous system needs time to re-baseline before it can choose safely. Not… Read More How long before dating gain?
When withholding crosses into every domain of life, neuroscience and psychology recognise it as a global control strategy rooted in deep dysregulation and personality structure, not circumstance. I’ll explain this carefully and clearly. 1. The core pattern: Global withholding When someone is: …what you are seeing is not many separate flaws.It is one central operating system: “Nothing flows unless it benefits… Read More Global withholding
During abuse or chronic stress, the nervous system protects you by: Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline act like a kind of anesthetic. They keep grief, anger, and loss out of conscious awareness because feeling them would have been unsafe or overwhelming at the time. When calm returns: So emotions that were deferred, not resolved, finally get airtime. This isn’t… Read More 1. Calm removes the “survival anesthesia”
When someone lives for years in an abusive, unpredictable environment, the nervous system adapts for survival, not comfort. 1. Your nervous system was trained for threat, not peace Chronic abuse keeps the brain in sympathetic dominance (fight/flight) or freeze. Over time, calm becomes unfamiliar. The body learns: “Stillness = danger might be coming.” So when calm finally appears, the brain… Read More Why calm can feel unfamiliar (and even unsettling)
A. Loss of control triggers retaliation Divorce removes an abuser’s primary fuel: control. When they can no longer: they often shift to covert, deniable sabotage. Stealing cards from a shared postbox and reporting them stolen: This is called instrumental aggression — harm used strategically, not emotionally. B. Holidays intensify narcissistic injury Christmas amplifies three things abusers struggle with: Instead of… Read More Why abusers escalate at Christmas (psychology)
When you feel the urge to contact someone who doesn’t care, your nervous system is often seeking: That’s human. It’s attachment, not weakness. But if the person has already shown emotional indifference, their brain is unlikely to respond with empathy. 2. The Neuroscience Reality People who consistently don’t care show: So when you tell them how… Read More What Your Brain Is Hoping For
A man who bullies or abuses women and children but never confronts another man is showing selective aggression. That selectivity is the key. 1. Predatory Risk Assessment Abusers are not “out of control.”They are highly controlled when it matters to them. Psychology calls this instrumental aggression — violence used as a tool, not an emotional overflow. The Neuroscience Behind It 2. Amygdala + Prefrontal… Read More The Psychological Profile
(And Why Unlearning It Is Part of Healing) Trauma survivors don’t ignore their intuition because it’s broken.They ignore it because their nervous system was trained to. Overriding gut feelings is not a personality trait — it’s a survival skill learned under threat. 1. Trauma Punishes Listening to Intuition In abusive or unsafe environments, intuition often says: But… Read More Why Trauma Survivors Are Trained to Override Their Intuition
(“My brain knows better” — until it doesn’t) When intuition signals danger and the conscious mind overrides it, the nervous system doesn’t suddenly agree and stand down.It escalates. Denial isn’t calm reasoning — it’s a stress response driven by fear, conditioning, or wishful thinking. Your brain isn’t “being logical”; it’s trying to avoid discomfort, loss, or… Read More What Happens When You Ignore Your Intuition and Go Into Denial
Your intuition isn’t magical.It’s biological intelligence. What people call a “gut feeling” is your nervous system processing information faster than conscious thought — and trying to keep you safe. 1. Your Body Detects Threat Before Your Mind Can Explain It The brain receives far more sensory data than you can consciously process.Your amygdala and insular cortex scan for danger, inconsistency, and pattern… Read More Never Ignore Your Intuition or Gut Feeling: The Neuroscience Behind Why
