Abuse is a term that refers to the mistreatment, harm, or infliction of injury on someone, either through physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or other means. Abuse can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, institutions, and broader social settings. It is a serious violation of an individual’s rights and can have profound and lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
Women’s Aid (UK): They offer advice and support for people experiencing controlling or coercive behavior. Their helpline is 0808 2000 247.
Mind (UK): For mental health support and resources, particularly for those dealing with emotional abuse.… Read More Interventions
Lonely and Isolated Themselves: The manipulator may be extremely isolated and fearful of being abandoned, leading them to latch onto the person in rehab as their primary (or only) source of emotional connection. They might have an untreated mental illness, such as depression or anxiety, that fuels their need to keep the other person close at all costs.
Struggling with Their Own Trauma: Often, people who manipulate others have unresolved trauma or emotional wounds of their own. Instead of addressing their pain, they may seek control over someone else as a way of avoiding their own feelings of helplessness.
Subconsciously Afraid of Being Left Behind: The manipulator might see the other person’s recovery as a threat. If the person in rehab gets better, they may move on with their life and leave the manipulator behind, worsening their feelings of loneliness and abandonment. To prevent this, they may subtly sabotage the recovery process.
Addicted Themselves: In some cases, the manipulator may also be struggling with addiction. They may encourage continued drug use because they’re not ready to give up their own substance use, and they feel safer in a dynamic where both people are using.… Read More When control become dangerously blurred
Guilt as a Tool: A hallmark of manipulative behavior disguised as help is the use of guilt to maintain control. For example, a person might say, “I’m only doing this because I care about you,” while making the recovering individual feel guilty for needing help or for mistakes they’ve made in the past. True support empowers someone to grow and make independent choices, while covert control keeps them feeling indebted or ashamed.
Conditional Support: Someone who truly cares offers unconditional support. In contrast, a person who is manipulating will offer help conditionally, often expecting obedience or compliance in return. If the recovering person doesn’t do what is expected, the “help” might be withdrawn or turned into a point of contention.
Undermining Confidence: A manipulative person often subtly undermines the recovering individual’s confidence under the guise of “helping” them avoid further mistakes. They might repeatedly bring up past failures or weaknesses, saying things like, “You can’t trust yourself to handle this,” or “You know you’ve always messed up before.” This creates dependency on the manipulator for decision-making or emotional support, all while eroding self-trust.
Isolation as “Protection”: Manipulative individuals might try to isolate the person in rehab from others who could offer real support by framing it as a way of “protecting” them. They might suggest that other people “don’t really understand you” or “will only hurt you,” encouraging dependence on them alone. This isolation further enhances their control.… Read More How to Identify Covert Control Disguised as Help
Mindful of Re-Traumatization: Some well-meaning people may think that by repeatedly confronting a person with their past mistakes or traumas, they are encouraging them to change. However, this can lead to re-traumatization. Reliving trauma over and over without therapeutic support can intensify feelings of helplessness and despair, pushing the person closer to relapse or even suicide. Instead, focus should be on healing and moving forward, rather than rehashing painful memories.… Read More The Toxic Enabler
Being driven to drugs or alcohol by someone else’s mental health issues and trauma projections is a deeply painful and complex experience. It highlights the toxic emotional dynamics that can arise in close relationships when trauma goes unhealed and unresolved. Breaking free requires a balance of boundary-setting, support, and self-care, along with a recognition that you are not responsible for carrying someone else’s emotional baggage. By reclaiming your emotional space, you can begin to heal and seek healthier ways to cope with the emotional burdens life brings.… Read More Projection of Trauma
If someone is repeatedly reminded of their trauma, whether through specific triggers or interactions with others, they may feel trapped in a cycle of emotional pain. In this state, drugs can seem like an alluring option to numb those overwhelming feelings. Substances can provide a temporary sense of relief, peace, or even euphoria, pulling them away from their persistent distress.
Several factors play into why drug use becomes a go-to for some:… Read More Escaping Emotional Overload
When someone continually reminds you of your trauma, it can cause deep emotional harm, re-traumatizing you and keeping you stuck in a cycle of pain. It impedes healing, reinforces negative beliefs, and can lead to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. Setting boundaries, seeking supportive relationships, and working through your trauma with a therapist can help you protect yourself and create the space you need to heal. You deserve to live free from the weight of your past, and no one should have the power to hold you in it.… Read More Re-traumatization
The unauthorized use of someone else’s phone to send damaging or harmful messages is a serious violation of privacy and criminal law. Depending on the content of the messages and the intent behind them, the person responsible could face multiple legal consequences, including criminal charges for unauthorized access, defamation, harassment, and even blackmail. The victim of such actions has a range of legal remedies available to hold the perpetrator accountable and seek compensation for the harm caused.… Read More Unauthorized Access and Privacy Violations
Attempting to destroy someone’s business by spreading false information while running an illegal business yourself is not only hypocritical but legally perilous. The perpetrator risks being held accountable for defamation, business sabotage, unfair competition, and even criminal charges related to their illegal business activities. The victim has strong legal avenues to fight back, including defamation lawsuits, tortious interference claims, and reporting the illegal activities to authorities.… Read More Creating a Smokescreen
Exploiting someone’s addiction to drugs or alcohol often involves using their dependence to coerce them into doing things they wouldn’t otherwise agree to—whether it’s forcing them to commit crimes, controlling their movements, engaging in unwanted activities (including sexual acts), or keeping them trapped in abusive situations.
Exploitation in this context refers to taking advantage of the person’s vulnerable state for personal gain, power, or control. This is a direct violation of the victim’s autonomy and rights.… Read More Exploitation and Human Trafficking
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 