Abuse is a term that refers to the mistreatment, harm, or infliction of injury on someone, either through physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or other means. Abuse can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, institutions, and broader social settings. It is a serious violation of an individual’s rights and can have profound and lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
Ultimately, both manipulation and illness can coexist within the framework of addiction. These behaviors are often a manifestation of deeper suffering, and separating the two is less important than treating the underlying causes and supporting a path to recovery.… Read More Substance Abuse and Manipulation
Drug abuse is often misunderstood as simply a moral failing or a lack of self-control, but modern neuroscience has demonstrated that addiction is a chronic brain disease. Substance use alters brain chemistry, particularly in areas that govern reward, motivation, and impulse control. This makes it difficult for individuals to stop using drugs even when they understand the negative consequences.
However, while addiction is a disease, it doesn’t negate the importance of personal accountability. Individuals still have the capacity, and indeed the need, to take ownership of their actions as part of their recovery process.… Read More Drug abuse and accountability
For many people, adopting a victim mentality provides a strange kind of comfort. If external forces are to blame for their struggles, it means they are not responsible for their current situation. This perspective allows individuals to avoid uncomfortable feelings of guilt, shame, or regret. It can be easier to say, “This happened to me because of them,” than to face the hard truth that their own choices or behaviors are contributing to their unhappiness or lack of progress.
This mentality offers an immediate emotional cushion, as it absolves individuals from having to reflect deeply on their role in perpetuating their problems. Accountability, in contrast, demands self-reflection, and that can be painful, as it requires confronting uncomfortable truths, admitting mistakes, and taking ownership of one’s behavior.… Read More Victim mentality
The idea that individuals have agency over their own lives, regardless of their upbringing, is a powerful and empowering concept. While childhood experiences and parental influences shape us in significant ways, they don’t have to define our entire future. Understanding this is crucial for breaking free from cycles of blame and embracing personal responsibility, which is a foundational step in moving from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment and growth.… Read More Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
Forcing someone to relive trauma, especially when they weren’t present for it, and causing them significant emotional harm—can be deeply troubling. There are several reasons why someone might engage in such harmful behavior, though none of them justify the emotional damage inflicted. Understanding their motivations may help shed light on the dynamics of the situation, though it’s important to remember that this kind of behavior is wrong and damaging.… Read More Sadistic Tendencies or Emotional Cruelty
Coercive Control: In countries like the UK, coercive control is a specific offense under the Serious Crime Act 2015. This law covers patterns of controlling, coercive, or abusive behavior in intimate or family relationships. If the coercive behavior involves manipulating someone’s mental state or restricting their freedom, the police could potentially take action, even without physical violence.
Drug Supply: Providing drugs, such as ketamine, is illegal in most jurisdictions. The person supplying the drugs for free, especially as a form of emotional blackmail, would be committing a crime. If this is reported, the police would likely be more focused on the drug supply aspect, as it’s a clear legal violation.
Vulnerable Individuals: If the person trying to quit drugs is seen as vulnerable (which is likely in a case of addiction), the police and other authorities may treat the situation with even more urgency. Drug addiction can increase a person’s vulnerability to abuse and exploitation, which could amplify the seriousness of the coercive control.… Read More Police Intervention
Women’s Aid (UK): They offer advice and support for people experiencing controlling or coercive behavior. Their helpline is 0808 2000 247.
Mind (UK): For mental health support and resources, particularly for those dealing with emotional abuse.… Read More Interventions
Lonely and Isolated Themselves: The manipulator may be extremely isolated and fearful of being abandoned, leading them to latch onto the person in rehab as their primary (or only) source of emotional connection. They might have an untreated mental illness, such as depression or anxiety, that fuels their need to keep the other person close at all costs.
Struggling with Their Own Trauma: Often, people who manipulate others have unresolved trauma or emotional wounds of their own. Instead of addressing their pain, they may seek control over someone else as a way of avoiding their own feelings of helplessness.
Subconsciously Afraid of Being Left Behind: The manipulator might see the other person’s recovery as a threat. If the person in rehab gets better, they may move on with their life and leave the manipulator behind, worsening their feelings of loneliness and abandonment. To prevent this, they may subtly sabotage the recovery process.
Addicted Themselves: In some cases, the manipulator may also be struggling with addiction. They may encourage continued drug use because they’re not ready to give up their own substance use, and they feel safer in a dynamic where both people are using.… Read More When control become dangerously blurred
Guilt as a Tool: A hallmark of manipulative behavior disguised as help is the use of guilt to maintain control. For example, a person might say, “I’m only doing this because I care about you,” while making the recovering individual feel guilty for needing help or for mistakes they’ve made in the past. True support empowers someone to grow and make independent choices, while covert control keeps them feeling indebted or ashamed.
Conditional Support: Someone who truly cares offers unconditional support. In contrast, a person who is manipulating will offer help conditionally, often expecting obedience or compliance in return. If the recovering person doesn’t do what is expected, the “help” might be withdrawn or turned into a point of contention.
Undermining Confidence: A manipulative person often subtly undermines the recovering individual’s confidence under the guise of “helping” them avoid further mistakes. They might repeatedly bring up past failures or weaknesses, saying things like, “You can’t trust yourself to handle this,” or “You know you’ve always messed up before.” This creates dependency on the manipulator for decision-making or emotional support, all while eroding self-trust.
Isolation as “Protection”: Manipulative individuals might try to isolate the person in rehab from others who could offer real support by framing it as a way of “protecting” them. They might suggest that other people “don’t really understand you” or “will only hurt you,” encouraging dependence on them alone. This isolation further enhances their control.… Read More How to Identify Covert Control Disguised as Help
Mindful of Re-Traumatization: Some well-meaning people may think that by repeatedly confronting a person with their past mistakes or traumas, they are encouraging them to change. However, this can lead to re-traumatization. Reliving trauma over and over without therapeutic support can intensify feelings of helplessness and despair, pushing the person closer to relapse or even suicide. Instead, focus should be on healing and moving forward, rather than rehashing painful memories.… Read More The Toxic Enabler
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 