One question has surprised me more than any other since rebuilding my life. As I meet new people and they learn that I have left an abusive relationship, the conversation often follows a similar path. “What was your ex’s name?” If they recognise the name, the response is frequently immediate. “Oh… I’ve heard of him.”… Read More “Can I See a Photo of Him?”
For many survivors of domestic abuse, the divorce is only one part of a much bigger picture. There may also be unresolved issues involving financial abuse, coercive control, hidden assets, intimidation, or other legal matters that require separate consideration. In some situations, it can make practical and emotional sense to finalise the divorce first, allowing one… Read More Why Some Survivors Choose to Finalise the Divorce First
A divorce settlement and a domestic abuse investigation are separate legal matters. Reaching a full and final financial settlement does not, in itself, prevent the appropriate authorities from considering allegations of domestic abuse where the law allows. If new evidence emerges, the legal options available will depend on the jurisdiction and the laws of the… Read More New Evidence
People who habitually deceive often rely on one thing above all else: A carefully constructed story. At first, that story may appear convincing. Details are rehearsed, explanations are polished, and confidence can make even unlikely claims sound believable. But neuroscience and psychology suggest there is a fundamental difference between remembering the truth and remembering a fabricated version of… Read More “Even the Best Actor Eventually Forgets Their Lines. The Truth Never Does.”
One of the hardest realisations after leaving a controlling or abusive relationship is recognising that the behaviour didn’t begin with you. You didn’t cause it. You didn’t create it. And, unless the person genuinely accepts responsibility and commits to meaningful change, it is unlikely to end with you. Many patterns of behaviour are learned early… Read More “I Wasn’t the First, and I Won’t Be the Last”
Sometimes, families have a phrase for someone whose behaviour is so consistent that it becomes part of their identity. One phrase I’ve heard is “Bare Minimum.” Not because the person lacked money. Not because they were unable to be generous. But because, regardless of the occasion, they gave the absolute minimum they believed they could get… Read More “Bare Minimum” – When Doing the Least Becomes a Way of Life
When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture shouting, threats, or physical violence. What is less recognised is financial abuse—a form of coercive control that can quietly erode a person’s independence, confidence, and future over many years. Financial abuse isn’t simply about one partner earning more than the other. It is about using money as a… Read More When Financial Abuse Is Hidden in Plain Sight
If assets have been hidden throughout the marriage, rather than only after separation, the legal issues can be more serious. If one spouse consistently contributed to the household or a joint account but the other spouse concealed money or assets, prevented purchases, or diverted funds into accounts or property held by relatives or other third parties,… Read More Hiding assets throughout the marriage
I often think back to our move from France to Spain with our two beautiful Labrador dogs. I had planned everything carefully. One of our Labradors was elderly and struggling to walk, so I made sure our overnight hotel in Perpignan had a ground-floor room. I wanted the journey to be as comfortable and stress-free… Read More The First Sign Nothing Had Changed
It’s an interesting transformation. For years, there always seemed to be something to say about someone else. Someone to report. Someone to criticise. Someone to blame. Someone whose reputation needed to be questioned. Someone who, in their eyes, had done them wrong. Then, one day… Silence. The person who was once so visible becomes what… Read More The Invisible Man
